I’m going to tell you about one of modernity’s most predictable hero avatars, and then I’m going to make one of modernity’s most likely predictions about them. Let’s begin with an effusive tribute in the media’s ghetto section. That, of course, being the bouncy ball pages. In this instance readers are regaled with the harrowing tribulations and triumphs of a plucky high school gal named Andraya Yearwood.
Now one of the first things you might notice about Miss Yearwood is her resemblance to Clubber Lang. But Clubber had a Mohawk and not long braids, so you probably won’t actually notice that resemblance at all. The second thing you won’t notice is that Miss Yearwood has a full schedule of male genitalia and a Y chromosome. That might lead some dull bigots to wonder what makes Yearwood a Miss rather than a Mr. But I already told you she has long braids.
There are many transvestites now in the world, but this one is special. Yearwood is a track star and much faster than the non-male females she competes against. This causes furrowed brows in the townsfolk, who are depicted as so darkly provincial they may as well be from Tennessee. But Yearwood not only beats girls, which is good, she beats white girls, which is so much better.
The author explains that Yearwood is not merely a transvestite, but a black transvestite, a fact that is reiterated repeatedly. To colorblind conservatives, such as readers here, it may not immediately be clear why Yearwood’s blackness is so heavily emphasized. The answer is that is to establish proper moral framing. This is not just a mentally infirm white kid of no inherent human value, it is a mentally infirm black kid, and thus well deserving of your sympathy, loyalty, and devotion. Don’t be so obtuse as to ask the author for any more clarity than that.
Though beyond a foundation that blacks are good, and blacks in clothes of the opposite sex are even better, the article does offer insight into historically murky sex myths. For instance…
“A level playing field is a fallacy,” says Dr. Myron Genel, Yale professor emeritus of pediatric endocrinology. He is a member of the International Olympic Committee’s Medical Commission on issues regarding gender identity in athletics.
“There’s so many other factors that may provide a competitive advantage,” Genel says. “It’s very hard to single out sex as the only one.”
It is. It’s very hard to single out sex as any sort of physical advantage. For instance, I’m not a Chicago Bears linebacker, and neither are you. So there’s got to be some reason other than sex that Khalil Mack is. Fortunately, the article goes on to examine these.
There are a host of genetic factors that can give an athlete an advantage, such as fast and slow twitch fibers, height.
See, Khalil Mack is a Chicago Bears linebacker because of fast twitch fibers, not his sex. So if a woman had fast twitch fibers, boiling testosterone, was 6’3, 250 pounds, with a 40” vertical leap, a 4.6 40 yard dash, and could bench press 225 pounds 23 times, then she too could be a Chicago Bears linebacker. It has nothing to do with sex. What’s so difficult about this? And it’s not just all twitching fibers…
Environmental and economic factors are at play, too, such as access to training facilities.
That’s a very important point: training facilities. My friend had a sea turtle who went to our city’s expensive aquatic facility three times a week. I didn’t have that opportunity. As a result I couldn’t swim for an hour underwater like his leatherback.
The point is if you have male musculature, male testosterone, male genitalia, and female clothing then you are a female. Females without those first three factors will just have to rely on training facilities to make up the difference.
Though this answer naturally leads to a question: how much do the highest paid female athletes make? This article addresses that. Of the top ten highest paid female athletes, eight are tennis professionals. The lowest compensation of these was $7 million per year, the highest $18 million. Keep those figures in mind.
Now how much does a professional men’s player make? If you’re Roger Federer, many millions. But if you are ranked worse than 200, this older piece says less than $100,000/year.
That should prompt quite a bit of contemplation from wealthy women with nice training facilities. What might happen if say a $10 million dollar female with a vagina played a $100,000 female with a penis? Actually we don’t have to wonder. Way back in the late 90s a fading German named Karsten Braasch played the two Williams sisters(sic) in consecutive matches. He warmed up by smoking a pack of cigarettes and drank beer in between games. He may as well have also played with his underwear around his ankles because he destroyed them both while barely trying. He was ranked #203 at the time.
Given that precedent, if a penis woman decided to increase her earnings X100 by obliterating vagina women, what precisely would stop her from doing so? Historically shame, ridicule, condemnation, and rational tournament organizers would be adequate. Though within the vomit pail of our cultural milieu, she will count on a far more fulsome public response. Today she would suffer only cheers for her valiant courage, perhaps even if she were white.
Though whether assigned moral value by the media or not, her accountant would be elated. Other sports accountants would quickly notice. Large waist tennis skirts and flesh-toned jock straps would begin selling briskly. And within very few years the women’s locker at Wimbledon would smell like farts, feet, and Old Spice.
None of this strikes me as in any way far fetched. It will certainly strike me as hilarious. Most celebrity female athletes have political opinions sharpened to a razor-edge. Being transphobic simply isn’t prog permissible. So they will rage behind wan smiles as one by one their lucrative careers are scuttled to women who scratch their nuts.
Fortunately for these soon-to-be former professional tennis players, I just may be completely wrong. According to the NCAA handbook called “Creating Positive and Inclusive Athletic Environments for Transgender Athletes”…
the fear that transgender women will be able to dominate women’s sports without effort due to the inherent advantages men have over women is a new iteration of the old stereotypes that kept women & girls out of sports prior to Title IX.
See that’s just an old stereotype. And stereotypes come from nowhere. Besides penis women won’t dominate “without effort;” they’ll dominate with minimal effort—maybe even moderate effort if they’ve been drinking. So gear up for tennis fandom now. Watching drunk trolls in skirts beat seething feminists for seven figure purses might just be the bouncy ball apotheosis.