Ahh the perils of navigating one’s pieties. Few men have had more formidable enemies than their own values. Though that’s not to say broad inclusive values aren’t useful, as they certainly are to any cunning opposition. From the perspective of meta-conflict, a legendary general is one who forces his enemies (though not himself, obviously) to live up to his standards. You behave as I see fit—and so will I. The humiliating results of this tactic can be seen in decades of consistently clobbered conservatism stumbling with its pants around its ankles to keep up with liberalism’s fickle dictates.

Though a general can still win gloriously if he angles his enemy to simply live up to its own standards. Sometimes he is successful at this endeavor by only the providence of his enemy’s sanctimony. Every combatant should be so blessed as to have an enemy who is engaged in moral performance rather than an effort to win.

And what a performance bean-behemoth Starbucks is now putting on. As some of you may recall, this company recently found itself harangued for racial insubordination after one of its store managers called the police to evict two bivouacking black bidnessmen. You see, making a for-profit facility with finite seating space into your own free crib used to be called loitering. But now objecting to loitering is called raysis. And that’s how we get outrage headlines.

But the underlying message embedded in this recent flurry of similar headlines isn’t about specific events. It is about impertinent Legacy Americans impeding their social superiors. It is, again, exclusively about establishing shame toward white insubordination. It is about teaching you to live with your eyes down.

And to be fair, there’s plenty of whites I wouldn’t mind hearing only in whispers. Ranking high among these would be Starbucks executives. After being publicly chastised for acting like their stores belong to them, they have now taken the appropriately abject step of turning their company into a squatter’s den. As Starbucks Chairman Howard (Sergeant) Schultz said in regard to the prospect of defecating vagrants…I see nothing!

While Schultz told the audience “we don’t want to become a public restroom,” he added “But we’re going to make the right decision a hundred percent of the time and give people the key, because we don’t want anyone at Starbucks to feel as if we are not giving access to you to the bathroom because you are ‘less than. ‘ We want you to be ‘more than.'”

Haha. I’ll let the Starbucks’ board in on what’s going to be ‘less than’: their share price. Racial subordination may be the left’s morals, but white yuppies don’t pay $5.25 to sip toasted graham lattes beside screaming black Hebrew Israelites. Libs love diversity best when it’s watched through binoculars. Starbucks is selling an ambience and attitude as much as they are Folgers crystals. And nothing quite ruins a good attitude like the stench of urine. This being an odor quite similar to the stench of being pressed against your own standards.

All of which reminds me of what business space Starbucks is streaking toward with this initiative: MySpace. I recall when that company was the lucrative leading pioneer of social networking. Then they let their garden become a ghetto, and Zuckerberg hoovered up the refugees.

That’s what I’m eager to see Schultz do for his shareholders: turn Starbucks into MyFrappuccinoSpace. If in a decade I can’t tell any difference between his company’s clientele and that of a black nail salon then something will have gone very right…Juan Valdez willing.


17 thoughts on “MyFrappuccinoSpace

    • My thoughts exactly. I do love watching liberal virtue signaling play out to its logical conclusion. I’ve long awaited the demise of Starbucks, but I’m not getting my hopes up, at least any time soon. But Dicks sporting goods is another I’d like to see go down, and I don’t think I’ll have to wait long.

  1. Pingback: MyFrappuccinoSpace | Reaction Times

  2. With words like pieties, virtues, and sanctimony in those first two paragraphs, plus the wonderful pants-around-ankles visual you painted, I thought this was going to be about National Review.

  3. He found humself white enough to be mau-maued. His guns were pointed in the wrong direction, an inevitable own-goal that was a consequence of tying his brand to the feels. Let’s hope his stores one day can reach the same market demographic and purchasing power as the clientele at Mickey-D’s down on MLK boulevard.

  4. First of all, I’m behind the times, but welcome back, Porter. I missed your sardonic style.

    I wrote a little piece about starbuck’s ungainly signaling a few weeks ago. My angle was that, if there’s a power structure at work here, it’s not white supremacy, but rather the complicity between the managerial class and the consumerist mob. It’s pseudo-progressive identity politics blotting out the economic and class imbalances between workers and the managers/owners.

    The story is apparently about a white supremacist woman in the grip of her implicit bias preventing two blacks from keeping it real. If we bracket the narrative and look at the consequences of this jim crow coffee moment, then what do we see?

    I see a worker who attempted to enforce company policy and was rebuked and disowned by her own boss. Public attention was marshalled through social media and directed by jew led civil rights shakedown organizations to put pressure on a global coffee company and now thousands of workers must atone for the racial sin of a single person. Two blacks who can’t put three words together, whose philosophy consists of tautological exhaust fumes (rules are rules, but what’s right is right) are put on television to mumble their outrage over not being allowed to use space meant for paying customers. Where is the power disparity?

    Corporate leaders will cater to people who don’t even buy their products and punish the people who make them to appease racially aggrieved mobs. It’s cowardly and also ineffective. This kind of transparent overture doesn’t work on the enlightened masses; their depraved cynicism renders them incapable of admitting the good will or honest intention of anything, lest they be deprived of their right to cry raycis in any circumstance when a black feels bad.

  5. Pingback: Quote May 13, 2018 | Liberae Sunt Nostrae Cogitatiores

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  8. Unfortunately the consequences of Starbuck’s global bathroom initiative will be all on the employees, while Schultz Billionaires on. Lots of attention for him and his agenda, while his employees are cleaning bathrooms and noticing that their tipping demographics have changed.

    Unrivaled, scathing wit from Porter. And I love the term Legacy Americans.

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