In all the viscosity breakdown of the past week, it’s interesting to note what trifles lodge in your Hate sac. Amidst the many conspicuous displays of corporate morality plumage, the one by Walmart CEO Doug McMillon seemed as mundane as a $10 toaster. Though embedded in his pompous platitudes against “white supremacy” was a presumption of astonishing gall. See if you can pick it out.
A Message From Doug
Respect for the individual is one of our core beliefs at Walmart. And the role we play in communities around the country to build a more diverse and inclusive society is more critical than ever as the tragic events in Charlottesville over the weekend painfully reminded us. Our prayers are with the victims and their families.
As we watched the events and the response from President Trump over the weekend, we too felt that he missed a critical opportunity to help bring our country together by unequivocally rejecting the appalling actions of white supremacists. His remarks today were a step in the right direction and we need that clarity and consistency in the future.
Our country is facing some very difficult issues that require our elected officials, business leaders and community-based organizations to work together. Representing a company with the largest and one of the most diverse groups of associates in the U.S., and an even more diverse customer base of tens of millions of customers, we believe we should stay engaged to try to influence decisions in a positive way and help bring people together. I will continue to strongly advocate on behalf of our associates and customers, and urge our elected officials to do their part to promote a more just, tolerant and diverse society.
Thank you for representing Walmart and our values today — and every day.
Our values: Getting filthy rich selling 25 cents/hour Chinese plastic on a three percent margin. I hope you weren’t looking for something more exalted than that. Though compared to foreign chicken-slavers like Tyson, Walmart is comparatively a blood and soil business.
I did say comparatively.
Note the claim made about Walmart’s role in “communities around the country.” To build a more diverse society. My first candid response was: Go to hell, you oily shit. No one granted you authority to alter the demographic composition of society. It’s a statement of inconceivable arrogance coming from an unelected mouthwash and microwave salesman.
Further, that this imbecile can’t correlate the obvious and inevitable results of the diverse society he has tasked himself with building to the “tragic events in Charlottesville” he claims to lament makes him particularly well suited to lead a global corporation. That is to say: I’m so distraught about this fire, I’ve committed to piling on more wood.
For those wondering whether Mr. McMillon’s community diversification plan falls within his office’s jurisdiction I consulted the Walmart bylaws and governance guidelines, both of which were unsurprisingly silent in regard to this alleged responsibility. Truly I am loath to be so pedantic, though hearing a multinational executive openly state their intention to replace a native population (mine in particular) offers substantial motivation to revoke the corporate charter.
But how broad is this diversification initiative anyway?
Walmart owns several subsidiary retail facilities in African countries, such as Botswana, Ghana, Kenya, Lesotho, Malawi, and Mozambique, among several others. Is the company also working to “build a more diverse society” in these locales? Unfortunately Rwanda looks to be devoid of SuperCenters, otherwise I would have suggested a healthy, diverse mingling of Tutsis and Hutus.
Zimbabwe also appears to offer a bottom-floor expansion opportunity. Though I’d counsel particular caution if Mr. McMillon is inclined to grow radishes there while scouting for ground to break.
Walmart additionally has joint ventures in China. Thus I do hope the CEO clearly expresses his intention to diversify the major cities away from their traditional Han majority when he is next supping with his hosts in Peking. Imagine explaining that your company’s sacred role is to lower the population percentage of those people foolish enough to embrace your business. As in every aspect of modernity’s inverted morality, placing its presumptions outside our borders immediately cast them into absurdity. Only whitey ever buys this shlock.
But he’s a seemingly insatiable customer. And once a cunning merchant finds a demand to be replaced, you can be sure he will inundate the market with supply.