Protecting the Brand

An old man once told me that age turns men into caricatures of themselves. By that he meant their most distinctive personality features continued to grow ever more prominent to the point of near grotesquerie by their dotage. I’ve always kept that in mind, and so consciously tried to limit the expanding appeal of my charisma. I imagine those who know me best would testify as to just how successful this effort has been.

Another man who’s proved quite a bit less capable in avoiding caricature is Adolph Hitler. His prominent features have elongated so far past the thresholds of actual human dimensions, that he’s become something else entirely: a brand.

Somewhat like Elvis, Hitler has become far more valuable dead than he ever was alive. And as a dead-man brand, Hitler is a Ferrari.

This brand is so influential that the most powerful men on Earth can be routinely manipulated by the simple fear of being literally him. Wielded by skillful hands, Hitler can exert black-hole gravity on the decision-making process of all but the most fashion-indifferent political consumers. Consider the power of such a property. Obviously the owners are going to jealously guard its value.

Because a well-known component of any brand’s worth is its exclusivity. No one covets a Ferrari if everyone else has one. The Ferrari allure is powerful because they are few. Unsavvy businessmen might be tempted to lower the price to increase sales. And once every other driveway had one, the cachet of Ferrari would be foolishly squandered.

As the recent Sean Spicer flap makes apparent, the owners of Brand Hitler have no intention of allowing that to happen. If any readers were fortunate enough to have not previously heard, Trump’s press secretary made an offhand remark that is repeated across the West some 17,000 times/day: he called his opponent (in this case Assad) Hitler. Now accusation sales of the Hitler brand have obviously been astronomical for years. Saddam was Hitler; Quedaffi was Hitler; Milosevic was Hitler; and Trump is Hitler, though he may be able to invade his way out of it. Even George W. Bush was Hitler. Surely Assad could be Hitler too, whether he gassed children or baked them cookies.

But something about the Spicer riff sent a shiver down the spine of Hitler’s primary shareholders. I think that something was the horrible realization that once the mouthpiece of TrumpHitler starts calling people Hitler, we just may have a Ferrari in every driveway. And if anyone can be Hitler, then how is Hitler different than anyone he literally is?

You can see where this leads to severe consternation in the boardroom. Hitler has to remain exclusive to remain powerful. What good is he if I can’t get you to concede to my demands by invoking him? Hitler is what you use when even racist won’t work. Unfortunately, vacuous liberal goyishe kopfs have spent an entire generation selling Hitler like he was a Chevy Chevette. The attacks on Spicer have been a furious attempt to preserve the franchise.

I think those attacks also represent a sort of Hitler event horizon. It’s previously been understood that jews approve of others using the Hitler brand, out the sense that broad market penetration represented enhanced value. Though now that value is plainly being depleted by overuse. As a result, we should expect to see a much harsher policing of its deployments. I’m afraid the days of most milquetoast republicans being literally Hitler are literally over.

That will be an interesting thesis to watch unfold. We will know we have crossed the horizon from All Hitlers to No Hitlers when platoons of lib drones begin to pummel their obtuse peers who continue to sully the brand. Watch for There *are* no other Hitlers! He was singular evil! That will be the tell, and it will occur like all other mass liberal migrations: with no reflection whatsoever.

But that’s just speculation on the future. As for the past, Hitler was no better than Barbra Streisand.


15 thoughts on “Protecting the Brand

  1. Should make for some amusing articles, that for sure. I’ve mentioned this before, but whats always amused me is how obviously false any Hitler accusation really is. By merely making the accusation, it disproves itself. The last person who was ‘literally Hitler’ was literally Hitler and everyone within his reach knew better than to badmouth him in any way, lest they wind up dead. If they REALLY thought any of these people were literally Hitler, they’d shut the fuck up about it. By constantly denigrating someone they accuse of being Hitler, they are admitting themselves to be nothing but peddlers of mindless hyperbole, and they damn well know it. I am curious what comes next, though.

    If the Hitler brand really is used up, it presents a unique problem for the left. The rest of recent history’s villains conform to the left’s world view. Even today’s progressives aren’t self absorbed enough to think they can get away with calling their enemies ‘literally Stalin’. Personally, I thought the whole idea was stupid anyways, but no one asked me. The only reason they use Hitler is because he killed jews. Stalin killed at least as many Ukrainian peasant farmers as Hitler killed jews, but since there is no kulak lobby or kulak run news/entertainment industry, most people are completely unaware. While all 20th century genocide victims are equal, some 20th century genocide victims are apparently more equal than others….

  2. Pingback: Protecting the Brand | Reaction Times

  3. So very clever–the Hitler event horizon “with no reflection whatsoever”
    “Trump is Hitler, although he may be able to invade his way out of it.”
    Really a hilarious read from start to finish. The challenge in replacing the ubiquitous arch-villain is finding one familiar to history-challenged millennials. Idi Amin is out.

  4. Well, there’s the fact that prior to the war, Hitler did more for the working class German people than any modern Western leader before or since, but we can let that go.

    I think the contemporary Hilter-mania may have started in that epicenter of Kosher thought, New York City, where back in the 90s they were calling the crime fighting new mayor “Adolph Giuliani” and putting the ever meme-worthy mustache on him on a daily basis (one wonders how the world would be different had the real Hitler been clean shaven).

    Meanwhile, in terms of the Spicer kerfuffle, it’s yet another case of the press taking the worst possible spin and inserting their own assumptions, as they did every time during the campaign that Trump made an obvious joke and they told it straight. Indeed, one might remind our ever vigilant press that back in 2013, that peerless avatar of the conventional wisdom, Chris Matthews, said, in between leg tinglings, and I quote: “If you basically lay — put down a red line and say don’t use chemical weapons, and it’s been enforced in the Western community, around the world — international community for decades — don’t use chemical weapons. We didn’t use them in World War II, Hitler didn’t use them.”

    The Kerfuffle-Ometer at that time registered precisely zero. Yet now the same comment stops the world. My, my.

    Still, I find the Spicer/Hitler (eerily similar names, no?) muddle a joy to behold, since the media exploded with shouts of “that’s Holocaust denialism!” One hopes this sent many un-woke Mel’s and Loretta’s across the fruited plane to thinking, “What’s Holocaust denialism?” and doing a bit of Googling to find out some perspective on their no doubt one-sided view of history. Anyway, it couldn’t hurt.

    • “Hitler didn’t use them” against invading hordes who were trying to literally kill him and his volk; but he “did use them” against defenseless naked women with near-zero bone densities.
      What else do they sell here? The prices are … unbelievable.

  5. As you said a couple threads back, Hitler is the new nigger. If only he had heirs like The Right Doctor Reverend Marchin Looter King Junior The Second PhD PBUH’s, who voraciously sue anyone daring to misappropriate the likeness or plagiarized words of their dearly departed. If Hitler’s nieces had a nickel for every time someone was likehitlered, they’d be richer than Literally Faceberg.

  6. If you love your country and if you love your culture and if you love your race and if you are white then you are literally Hitler. And, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words, “Ich bin buchstäblich hitler”. 🙂

    “The most precious possession you have in the world is your own people” – literally Hitler

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