Foreign-language mottos still adorn ornate seals; beautiful campuses and hideous professors still lend an air of pompous erudition; and years of productive apprenticeship is still squandered in favor of a haze of pleasurable indulgences. All those trappings of the college experience still seem so familiar that the mass transformation from university to seminary has barely even been noticed.
That’s what our educational institutions are now: seminaries. Whether their graduates can engineer bridges, heal the sick, or design critical angry birds apps is entirely secondary to their role in refreshing the priesthood–or rabbinate as may be more accurate. Of course this functional subterfuge is just my personal theory, and one that could only be confirmed by determining whether poor academic performance or poor racial pieties offers the quicker route to expulsion. Though I’m amenable to making a very large wager on the outcome.
But the most prestigious American seminaries are much less about who gets kicked out than who gets let in. Admission to these institutions is intensely competitive, not because one has a superior method of teaching accounting, but because they are rightfully viewed as tickets to lifestyle opportunity. An opportunity to enjoy a lifestyle of old wines and young wives.
Because access to these elevated opportunities is rationed, top echelon institutions serve as a first–and highly effective–filter to stratify the American caste system. Ivy League graduates are effectively ruling class designees. As such, it is considered imperative that the future ruling class embrace philosophies the current ruling class finds most felicitous. This is called management succession planning. And it is why seminary administrators are far more focused on the curriculum of Why America Belongs to Bangladeshis than whatever the mathematics department is droning on about.
And that’s a fitting segue to this tale of plucky matriculation.
Muslim teenager repeats #Blacklivesmatter 100 times on Stanford application and is accepted
When Ziad Ahmed was asked on his Stanford University application “What matters to you, and why?”, his answer was clear.
He wrote: “#BlackLivesMatter”, repeating the hashtag exactly 100 times to highlight the excessive use of police force which disproportionately kills black men and women.
Perhaps other applicants shouldn’t have spent so many hours agonizing over their own writing, and instead just submitted 100 repetitions of #PraiseKek1488 on their Stanford essay. Admissions officers do appreciate courage and conviction, they say.
Though to clarify a point in the quoted passage above: police force doesn’t disproportionately kill blacks, unless you believe getting killed by police should have no correlation to committing criminal acts. The media could just as well inform us that “snake handlers are disproportionately envenomated by cobras” without any variance in their intended dishonesty.
It’s remarkable to consider the extraordinarily competitive nature of Stanford admissions, and that young Mr. Ahmed squandered the essay portion of his application on a zero-effort race stunt…and was admitted. As I mentioned, ordaining clergy is now the primary objective.
“Everyone who received your application was inspired by your passion, determination, accomplishments, and heart,” the acceptance letter read.
It added: “You are, quite simply, a fantastic match with Stanford. You will bring something original and extraordinary to our campus – a place where you can learn, grow, and thrive.”
The Bangladeshi-American has already attended the White House Iftar dinner, a religious observance of Ramadan, and in 2016 he interned for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.
Of course he worked for Clinton. Though my question is: why isn’t he a Bangladeshi-Bangladeshi? If an observer were to say the one country on Earth most abundant with Bangladeshis is a filthy human latrine, Ahmed and his academic benefactors would howl. Yet when he validates the assertion with his own feet, they coo.
And though Stanford’s list of his personal attributes were gratifying, I’m sure, they did make one conspicuous omission: appreciative.
To me, to be Muslim is to be a BLM ally, and I honestly can’t imagine it being any other way for me,” Mr Ahmed said.
In 2015 the 18-year-old gave a TedxTalk in Panama about what it was like to be a Muslim teenager in the US.
Mr Ahmed is also involved in combating racial stereotypes.
Like the stereotype of entitled, ungracious, navel-gazing muslims?
We live in a world where we are suffocated by societal expectations,” he said, adding he had been “labelled more times than a GMO [genetically modified product]”.
He’s been labeled more times than a GMO, yet has been on far fewer flights out of the country than one, alas.
Though while shackled to the soil of oppressors, he is made to suffer an MTV special, photo ops with presidential candidates, Ted Talks, and Stanford acceptance over thousands of America’s own sons and daughters. Only Ziad Ahmed knows the depths of his pain.
Like so many of his peers, this coddled complaining foreigner is a marvel of malicious solipsism even as a youth. He was owed nothing by the people of this country, and has foolishly been given everything. Customarily, his gratitude arrives in the form of a petulant whine. The current ruling class would have it no other way.