Rogue Zero

It’s fascinating how malleable the human mind can be. If you embed hooks deep enough in their psyche, people can be led around like bulls with a nose ring. I’ve consumed a modest allocation of WordPress’ free hosting in describing the ‘isms that can cause otherwise contemplative observers to sing like showgirls at their invocation.

But it’s not just bolts of raysis that liquefy the minds of men. There’s other more innocuous instances of social brain implants that extend even to galaxies far far away. Few of these are able to put grown men in their feet-pajamas faster than hearing the words STAR WARS. I often regret that somewhere like Angola hasn’t yet thought to brand itself as Tatooine or Dagobah in an effort to jolt tourism into hyperdrive. Imagine the fetid Luanda airpit teeming with middle-aged nerds in white plastic armor and monkey suits seeking a realistic Jakku experience for the intrepid Jedi! If only such appeals to fantasy resonated with “minorities” we could simply rename Guatemala as The Rebel Base and watch global migration flows bend toward Central America, alas.

Though it’s an easy draw to understand. Boys have been mesmerized by the original film since its 70s release, by the masculine character archetypes and story of heroism and sacrifice set in wondrous alien landscapes. None of which would likely have catapulted the movie from successful to legendary without John Williams’ masterpiece score and the novel contrivance of sword fighting with flashlights. Re-skin a classic tale, add a bauble, then put it all to great music.

An even better second installment in the Empire Strikes Back entrenched the franchise into America’s cultural firmament and created the current scenario by which re-runs of Sanford and Son could mint billions by virtue of running under the Star Wars banner.

This fact was not lost on series creator, George Lucas. I don’t know whether he intended his three prequels as honest attempts at epic filmmaking or the most cynical money suctions from a gullible public since Buzzfeed. But the movies were so uniformly, repulsively idiotic that, at their Attack of the Clones nadir, only a paltry $650 million was squeezed from the public’s wallets. Keep producing poor quality long enough, and over half a billion dollars is all you’ll have to show for it. So with his prequels trailing languidly on the heels of the Ewok toy advertisement that concluded the original series, Revenge of the Sith made for a remarkable four shit movies in a row. Disney smelled gold.

Thus in 2012 the kosher carcass of Walt Disney’s wholesome Americana enterprise purchased this rotting space fantasy franchise for four billion dollars, making Lucas the second richest man married to a
black woman on Earth. Of course Globocorp wasn’t at all interested in midi-chlorian blood counts or any other aspect of the ridiculous hash Lucas had made of his universe. They were instead purchasing the impregnable loyalty of millions of white male enthusiasts who badly needed their mythology delivered by non whites males. And enticing them to form lines for that luxury requires one thing alone: the name STAR WARS. So Disney paid two billion dollars per word. Quite a bargain as it may turn out.

Because around this time last year they released JJ Abrams’ effort into the insatiable gaping maw of fiction fandom. And the results were astonishing: rave reviews and over two billion at the box office. The cost of the word STAR recouped in one installment. That the movie was shockingly atrocious had no inhibiting effect on its performance whatsoever. The emotional hook was long since set and all the studio needed to do was cast the chum in the water.

I don’t watch movies in theaters, but did see The Force Awakens some months after its release on video. I had no expectation the film would rise to mediocrity, though given its limitless budget and impact on the corporate income statement, I assumed it would be at least a serviceable merchandise commercial. But that wasn’t the case. The movie was bad. Cosmically bad. I watched agape in admiration for its resolute wretchedness. That it could actually be worse than its prequel predecessors is something that doesn’t just ocurr in the vacuum of space. This was the work of a higher intelligence.

It doesn’t require much speculative musing to imagine the results of such content absent its titular emotional hook. If rather than running under the STAR WARS heading, the movie had been released more honestly as Emo Nazis in Space, it would have hyperdrived into the most spectacular loss supernova in Hollywood propaganda history. Instead it became the third highest-grossing movie of all time. The power of embedded triggers is strong in this one.

And so now there is the new Rogue One. I’m highly optimistic for prospects of a sixth consecutive abominable installment. And just as positive on the likelihood of 40-something fanbois to eat it up like a dish of tauntaun dung. Because no matter what CGI mishmash, derivative storyline, or wooden dialogue emerges in the film’s final 132 minutes, we’ll always have that scintillating first sixty second introduction of STAR WARS to make it all worthwhile.

Having relinquished any hope of rejuvenating my own youthful enthusiasm for the original, I’d now only ask that future cantina scenes hew to more accepted liberal orthodoxy. Do in the Republic as we do on Earth. That means Askajians furiously denouncing Sluissi privilege. In space, everyone can hear your bigotry. That’s what Rogue One should have explored: a speciest Bothan makes disparaging intergalactic comments about Mimbanites, resulting in a plucky rebel force getting him fired. This Hate is TEN TIMES the size of the last Hate! That’s the type of heroism that stirs the soul. And as long as it appears under the banner of STAR WARS we can count on a box office bonanza.



18 thoughts on “Rogue Zero

  1. I had hoped that the idolatry-smashing lessons of Gamergate would bleed into the larger nerd sub-species. Guys who fought a relentless guerilla assault when the T&A of their games came under fire would make great leaders in the fight against globocorp molestation of the apex sci-fi franchise. But maybe they’re more adaptable than that. Some things, like CPAC and National Review, are so far past saving they are best ignored and bypassed. Computer simulation has lowered production costs to such an extent that the next, non-converged Star Wars could be produced on a shoestring. As castalia house publishing, Breitbart News, Gab and others have become platforms of escape from leftist conformism, maybe a Peter Thiel of Hollywood will see an opening in entertainment. Until then, not one shekel for Disney or the other usual suspects.

  2. Rogue One is the most politically substantive yet. Rouge One features a diverse cast with no white males fighting the terror of white male supremacy (just like in real life)

    One of Rogue One’s more fascinating characters is Galen Erso (Jyn’s father, an architect who serves the Empire under duress. He agrees to build the Death Star’s, but plants its fatal flaw. When harangued about her father’s status as an “Imperial collaborator,” Jyn explains, “He built it because he knew they would do it without him.”

    As Trump’s transition team appoints his own imperial stooges to various agencies, it’s hard to imagine mid-level bureaucrats—in places like the EPA or Department of Labor—won’t find themselves facing similar ethical qualms.

    Also, Rogue One is great PR for the Resistance against Trump and his evil minions.

    The far-right’s Stormtrooper fixation might be turned to the Left’s advantage, by bringing the so-called “alt-right” out of its caves and into the court of ordinary Americans’ public opinion. The moral lines of Star Wars’ Empire-vs.-Rebel battle are nearly 40 years old, and public opinion falls clearly on one side. If Trump’s acolytes want to start favoring Imperial soldiers over Pepe, on their heads be it.

    In the age of Trump, a good-vs.-evil narrative is, unfortunately, more appropriate than ever. The Rebellion (non whites and liberals) is good and the Empire (Trump and white men) is evil. Building a force big enough to actually stop Trump entails making that clear. Debating whether to attack an Empire that possesses a Death Star, one of the film’s Rebel leaders asks, “If the Empire has this kind of power, what chance do we have?” To paraphrase Jyn’s answer, the question isn’t what chance the Left has of winning over the public, but what choice?

    • Also LJL if you can’t see that Trump is Han Solo (shrewd, scrappy, rakish underdog with huge fanbase), the MSM is the Death Star (supposedly invincible weapon, fear of which keeps politicos in line), George Soros is the Emperor (no comment needed, he even looks identical), and Hillary is like a drunken, senile take on Darth Vader (kept alive only by machines and grasping ambition)

    • Great comment. To make it all the more realistic the final installment should show how the rebels live after the plague of White supremacy is extinguished. Like Haiti after they extinguished Hispaniola. Like Zimbabwe after they extinguished Rhodesia. I think a clip of a HIV infected Black South African raping a baby as a cure would be an enriching scene.

      And then, as the electricity began to fail, the last rebels fleeing the bare shelf consequences of Black self-sufficiency, would invade the latest nest of White supremacy to be discovered under the subtle guise of starving migrants fleeing non-White diversity. And so they march on to the rapturous sound of women being stoned to death or sexually mutilated, knowing that their victory is assured thanks to their invincible Death Star weapon – “Feed and house us, you fucking White racists.”

    • Hows the weather in Tel Aviv tiny dick? Has the Ayatollah given you his nucular candle to celebrate Hanacaca Harry’s funeral yet has he?
      I suppose trolling White Wing Websites is about as much courage as a tiny dicked bugger like you can muster. Go ahead and gloat about the brillions in Monopoly moola this tripe has bagged your febrile and inferior race of invertebrate cowards. Just imagine if this money was real?

    • Like most perverted Hollywood movies it’s pure fantasy that appeals to the weak mind like Tiny Dicks. Without the White Race planet Earth would be a desolate waste land.

      I urge all to go to the POTUS website and ask for greatness to be restored. I have asked the new President to provide safe passage and living assistance for all White South Africans to the USA. They have been treaty so poorly and need our help.


  3. Its always amusing to see the depths companies like Disney will sink to in order to marginalize and denigrate their biggest money making demographic – white males. Without us, there would be no star wars. We are the biggest purchasers of this kind of thing. If black people could truly drive a franchise in the same manner, you’d see Tyler Perry movies breaking records. But alas, they do not. I suppose they are just betting that white male nerds will still show up in droves because it is star wars. Unfortunately, they are probably correct. I suppose the next James Kirk will have to be a black transgender or some such nonsense. As for me, I try to minimize my consumption of such things to the greatest extent possible, but every now and then I still want some mindless entertainment. Its unfortunate that you can’t hardly watch a TV show or movie made in recent years without seeing at least some subtle SJW undertones.

    We are seeing the same thing in the sports world. ESPN is losing viewers in droves because their hosts have been defending kaepernick and the rest of them and their nonsense. ESPN was on at work recently(the only place i ever watch it since I cut the cord a year or so ago) and my jaw dropped when I heard these guys talking. In the middle of both NFL and NCAA football season, they are talking politics. If I wanted to here commentary on this kind of thing, Id switch it over to MSNBC. We already have enough channels piping this drivel into our homes and offices 24/7. ESPN should stick to sports. Another industry that wouldn’t exist in anything resembling its present form if not for white males. We drive the ticket sales, jersey sales, etc and are the primary market that advertisers target with their commercials. I suppose the increasingly lower numbers of viewers for all these thing is a cause for optimism. I guess eventually enough people will stop supporting this to hit them the only place it hurts, their bottom line. With the rise of Trump, its looking like enough white people are tiring of being blamed for everything thats wrong with the world while also being made to pay for it all. Paying to support the increasingly cushy lifestyle of people who hate me isn’t something I enjoy doing. The things I mentioned above are two areas where we actually can stop paying for it without having armed federal agents show up at your door, and more and more people seem to be doing just that.

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  5. Great comments. Ironically, Greg Johnson at Counter Currents posted a review calling it literally the best Star Wars ever made (I promise you, it isn’t). I tried to leave my own take on it but it doesn’t look like he’s going to approve the comment (we got into a bit of an argument, think I wore out my welcome), so I’ll leave it here for posterity with your permission:

    First off, it’s mediocre. Maybe a hair better than Force Awakens, but that’s it. The biggest problem is the overstuffed cast of new faces that they never bother to properly establish or motivate. It’s painfully obvious that they did this to sell action figures; hence 6 main characters and dozens of minor-but-named speaking roles. Mindful of the Plinkett Test, everyone has exactly one personality trait and nothing else (“Cynical”, “Mystical”,”Sarcastic”, etc). Even their names sound like they were generated by an algorithm. With these ciphers for main characters we never get sucked into the story properly, and the filmmakers compensate by using flashy setpieces larded with fanservice and nostalgia-bait (e.g. every scene with Vader, who is totally incidental to the plot and only there to pander to adult nerds) as a crutch to keep the audience interested. For the record this also is why they keep making Death Star movies over, and over, and over again: audiences will forgive a lot as long as they get to see that ominous silhouette looming on the horizon, not to mention having the old “commence primary ignition” sequence remade shot for shot.

    It’s hard to discuss the movie’s theme because frankly there isn’t one, beyond tedious boilerplate about “always having hope” and “believing in your friends” and “it’s never too late to find redemption”. Despite being a “standalone story”, without all the plot connections to Episode 4 this movie would have no reason to exist (and even then…). What do these characters believe in? What animates them? What do the rebels believe their fight is all about? The movie is royally indifferent to such mundane matters. The closest we get to a motivation for the main character comes during a 30-second hologram from Mads Mikkelsen, who is barely even in the movie. The one saving grace is that they don’t make it all about shitlib politics either (ironically the squabbling Rainbow Rebellion seems awfully divided and demoralized, just like a real diverse coaltion would be). Ultimately it’s all just hollow, like a video game.

    To be fair the cinematography and art design is pretty good, though the music is pretty bad. People are praising the big final setpiece battle but personally I found it chaotic and muddled, with lots of style but nothing we care about at stake, just waves of cannon fodder troops and pilots mowing each other down (tons of hardware variety though; gotta sell those toys). The gimmicky trick the rebels use to take down the planetary shield only reinforced the impression of watching a video game (ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Space Jam!). And of course we all already know exactly how this movie ends, and yes it did end exactly that way.

    All in all I’d give it 4/10 tops. Not quite as egregiously offensive as SW7 (though the mystery meat casting really is shitty), but still very much in the category of “if it wasn’t a STAR WARS movie it would be lucky to gross $100 million”.

    • Great comment, and thanks for the review.

      You noted: Maybe a hair better than Force Awakens, but that’s it. Which would make it a hair better than a Lena Dunham sex tape in my estimation. The prequels were truly terrible, though if forced to watch any again I would unhappily choose all of them over 7. It was shocking how awful Force Awakens was in every respect aside from some of the flying dog-fight scenes.

      If screening it for pre-release review, I would have predicted Abrams’ demise as a director and fan disappointment bordering on revulsion. Instead it earned near unanimous praise and enough money to pay for one word of its title. So much for my sense of the public’s cinematic tastes.

      • I totally agree. Force Awakens was a dumpster fire on every level, and it was depressing how many people were willing to suspend good sense and good taste for those two magic words. A big part of it is definitely nostalgia (Jurassic World was another one that was average at best but made gobs of money), but like you say it’s also modern people’s insatiable demand for escapism and “fandoms” to give them a sense of belonging and anticipation. Loneliness and anomie will do that. Movies didn’t make $2.5 billion in the 80’s because back then people had lives, they didn’t go see the same nerd fetish movie 20 times (or at least the few people who did were rightly looked down upon). But we’re all shut-in Netflix addicts now, so Hollywood can run those numbers up to infinity.

  6. With the number of Death Stars or pseudo-Death Stars that have been built and destroyed, one would think that they’d either stop building such massive superweapons (because they’re quite hopelessly vulnerable to even ill-equipped attackers) or that the attackers would stop trying to blow them up and start building their own (because they’re obviously cheap and easy to produce in bulk despite the losses). The franchise has suffered from a crippling lack of imagination ever since the end of the second installment.

    At this rate, I’ll live at least until the release of “Star Wars Episode LVIII”, in which the third clone of Darth Vader builds the fourteenth Death Star on behalf of the fourth reincarnation of Emperor Palpatine (the late Ian McDiarmid rendered via CGI), in order to defeat a sixth iteration of the Rebellion. Luckily, it gets blown up by a plucky but ill-equipped band of Skywalker and Solo family descendants from the desert planet Tatwelveine. Just keep re-making the same crap with a new set of action figures, right?

  7. I always liked the empire over the rebels. The empire built a planet destroying mechanical planet. What did the rebels do that was that awesome?

    I was dragged to the reboot by a friend and then I find out the new Empire built an even bigger planet destroying planet. But this time it drained the energy of stars, and had it’s own full climate and mountains on it.

    Coud the empire get any more awesome? Maybe if they make an entire solar system destroying solar system next time I suppose. But otherwise, the technological capability of the empire is what we should be fighting for, not some misfits waving around flashlights.

    It is the modern equivalent to worshipping Muslims when white guys were walking on the moon over 40 years ago. Talk about misplaced respect, Star Wars is it. Long live the empire.

    • Damn. I need to proofread comments before I hit submit! Excuse the typos and grammar on that. The Empire will not forgive those mistakes so easily.

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