Carpe Collum

There’s an old joke about a restaurant patron leaving only the exact amount of his bill and subsequently being accosted by the waiter who demands a tip. “A tip? Alright, never draw to an inside straight. Good night.”

For those who have never played, that’s a poker term. And if you find your chips in the middle against an opponent’s over-pair, the odds of winning on the draw are only 1 in 5. Knowing that probability can certainly save a man much more than 18% of a chicken dinner.

I mention this because that’s how I’ve viewed the Trump candidacy from its outset: an inside straight draw. The only one we had.

To think that an outsider could launch a hostile assault on a major party’s nomination while taking a jackhammer to its resolutely ineffectual platitudes is far-fetched to say the least. To then assert that he will be within his flowing mane’s length of the presidency in the face of unified and ferocious opposition from essentially every entrenched institution (including his own party) is the stuff of very implausible political fiction.

Yet here we are. It’s truly historic.

Everyone likes to flatter themselves as granite in the maelstrom, though few actually are. Those entering arenas of conflict typically need substantial psychic bulwarks and bases of support. Constant withering denunciations from all sides turn most men’s spine to jelly. That’s why donors seek political marionettes. Rather than sustain fire themselves for how they demand the country be run, they pay political actors to perform for a check (and a senator’s sumptuous lifestyle).

In this case, the donor actually ran. And astoundingly ran counter to the designs of other donors. The response from their organs has been stunning. The entire media edifice coalesced openly behind his opponent. I think the Washington Post alone has generated more instances of anti-Trump flatulence in the past year than most papers produce weather forecasts. Though even non Bezos-owned publications have maintained an implacable posture of wild-eyed partisanship. These corrupt narrative choir-boys occupy the offices of what used to be called journalism.

Though the media is only particular because of its megaphone. It has had much company in the filth. Globo-corp, Hollywood, Academia, Diver$ity lobbies, and the entire Soros-fertilized NGO ecosystem have also aligned against Trump. The resulting forked-tongued cacophony of anguish has been something no mortal’s ears have suffered since Mark Zuckerberg accidentally dropped a penny in the storm drain.

Throughout it all Trump has campaigned on a shoestring via twitter trolling and stadium rallies, with relatively little spending on tee-vee ads, staffing, or political shamans. Not only his tactics have been unorthodox, but his comportment as well. Instead of prostrating himself as per custom to the professionally agrieved, he sometimes countered with a rhetorical middle finger and mockery. The talking heads swooned. But both they and their artificial city on the Potomac have earned a millennium of both. Replacement has rarely been so richly deserved.

Though what should only meets what is on occasion. His host of enemies don’t control the national levers by impotence. They have the power. All he has are the people who make western civilization possible and are conscious enough to recognize the fact. And that’s usually not enough.

Trump’s path to 270 electoral votes passes through well-guarded approaches. He will either have to win all of Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania (something no Republican has done in 28 years). Or lose Pennsylvania to the unanimous Philadelphia dead vote, and instead scamper through an unlikely thicket of New Hampshire, Nevada, North Carolina, Iowa, and Colorado. Both draws offer poor odds.

Facing the hurricane headwinds of engineered demographics, unified institutional hostility, and his own party’s pornographic valuebating, to be where he now stands is nothing short of miraculous. Yet despite proximity, the play remains tonight what it was 500 nights ago: a political inside straight draw. His chances are below the water line. That’s not a prediction, but an assessment.

That may sound dire, but in those early heady days of the Jeb “shock and awe” Kash Kampaign, when prospects of a dismal Bush v. Clinton serpent sex show looked strong, how many would trade for tomorrow’s opportunity to turn over that last card on the draw? To denounce through a blustery orange billionaire that film of effete shits who have sold your inheritance for their enrichment.

I’ll relish the chance. And if that magic card actually materializes tomorrow night, I’ll resume my winning a poker tournament tradition: Smile behind my sunglasses and say (to the weeping libs) “at least you know the best man won.”

MAGA

46 thoughts on “Carpe Collum

  1. Win or lose, Trump has let the white identity politics genie out of the bottle. There is no going back now. It was going that way slowly, but with Trump the door has been blown wide open. He has done a lot of good work showing American men what being a man means again.

    • He has done a lot of good work showing American men what being a man means again.

      Earnest question: What do you have in mind when you talk of “what being a man means”?

      • A few examples:

        – Not apologizing to every weasel that demands it.
        – Not being ashamed of having an opinion and sticking to it in the face of immense social pressure.
        – Having a well adjusted family with children and grandchildren that like and respect you.
        – Being the clear leader of the family and accepting responsibility for your decisions.
        – Not being ashamed to be a straight white male and letting those that make you feel bad for this to shut the hell up.
        – Mocking and ignoring leftists instead of trying to debate them and their insane ideas giving them validity.

        Trump has shown everyone that old-school masculinity works.

    • I agree and discuss this with Millennial Woes en route up I-5 from Sacramento, California to Portland, Oregon in the Triggerwagon sporting “Trump: Do the White Thing” signage on November 5th and 6th.

  2. Pingback: Carpe Collum | Reaction Times

  3. At least for this time, the cards were left on the table and nothing was left unsaid. There will be no going back to the old game.

  4. Thanks Barnyard and Kent.

    Consider this the election open thread. If readers have anecdotes, predictions, visions, or epistles post them here. I’ll be here tonight till the fat lady swoons.

  5. Prediction: Trump landslide.

    January 2017: Trump telethon to raise money for the wall. Donors at a certain dollar level will have a brick with a custom inscription laid in their name.

  6. RCP’s no toss-up map has Clinton at 272 electoral votes vs Trump at 266. New Hampshire or Michigan will put the Trumpenführer over the top.

    Amerika erwache!

  7. Clinton official Brian Fallon just said on Fox News that “the Trump Campaign basically needs to draw an inside straight at this point.”

  8. This was a great read, porter. One of your best. Im sitting here watching this clownshow and pondering many of these same things. It disgusts me that we are waiting on baited breath to see how many inner city blacks came out to vote today, since inner city blacks (and mexicans) apparently get to pick the president. How the hell did we get to this point? Its insane. Either way, it was nice to have working, heterosexual white guys actually represented in the country they built, if only in a presidential campaign.

    My one look on the bright side of cilligula winning is this: Regardless of who wins, this country is headed for a day of reckoning and it is going to be nasty. It is mathematically impossible for it to be otherwise. With killery on her throne as dear leader, the blame for our economic malaise will land exactly where it belongs, in her and her ilk’s laps, and all of her deep state and FSA enablers will get a healthy splattering as well. It clinton and those like her, with an astonishing amount of support from the hopelessly retarded cretins we have for countrymen, who deserve to be in the hot seat when this inevitably blows up. If trump is in office, the “free market” will, although not seen in decades, be blamed for it all.

  9. Trump takes Ohio, Clinton takes Colorado. That’s a net negative for him as it removes one of his paths.

    Stock market not particularly enthused by the evening’s events, with Dow futures down 600.

    • Colorado went from a solid conservative state to dude weed lmao Cali transplant shitlibbery in just a few years. The Ohio win was good but he needs to get FL, NC, and MI or PA.

  10. NYTs says Trump at 91% probability. I have no idea what data is generating that calculation, though hopefully it prompts mass swan dives from their office windows.

  11. Fox News just said Trump is pulling the “inside straight” in reference to Trump’s lead in the electoral college, 10:30pm Central Time. SOMEBODY AT FOX HAS BEEN READING THE MIGHTY PORTER!

  12. For those that are curious, the billboard in Arabic appearing in Porter’s header (trumpisscared.com) reads “He cant read this but he is still scared of it.” Well, there you go. Trump isn’t Islamophobic, he’s simply afraid of arabic. An Arabicophobe, if you will. I suppose every student of arabic, when sitting for their final exam, is probably an arabicophobe as well.

  13. According to Drudge, the straight has been made in Pennsylvania and there’s nothing left but to bathe in liberal tears. I don’t think a network has made the same call, but I’m headed to bed. What a night.

    • FU Jorge Ramos!
      Is it bad form to mention other blogs? Only because I think it’s relevant will I mention that Vox Day has an excellent post that Alt-righters need to continue providing cover for Trump by pushing boundaries of thought. Nobody does that more eloquently than you, Porter.

  14. Thanks guys, it’s been fun having you all along for the hayride.

    Kent: I wonder how many of those nitwits even know what an inside straight draw actually means. It would have been interesting to sit on the panel and ask coquettishly “Since you mentioned an ‘inside straight’ could you describe for our viewers the precise mechanics of that hand so they can understand the metaphor?”

    Epicaric: I figured that billboard was saying something like, “The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers.”

    • I wouldn’t have known what exactly it is until I read it here, so I would have passed over the reference last night. It’s not a commonly used term, to my knowledge, so I don’t believe it’s a coincidence. Your fame and influence is spreading.

  15. Considerations are being taken for the possible replacement of Portland’s Pioneer Square outdated signage.

    Existing sign:

    New design concept reflecting values of The Current Year:

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