I imagine this piece from the Daily News will compete for one of the most widely mocked articles of the year–though certainly the cuck constellation will field many deserving entries.
The piece is pre-packaged histrionics about the horrors of discharging far-right a-salt rifles. And since every long-gun is an “AR-15” to the left’s caterwauling harpy coven, the author chose that model specifically to describe. So he put polished fingernails to keyboard and produced a tale of terror and tribulation. Then he went to shoot it. And the resulting account from his fertile imagination has given the people of Orlando the respite of levity in these dark days of Donald Trump.
Firing an AR-15 is horrifying, menacing and very very loud
It felt to me like a bazooka — and sounded like a cannon.
I laughed right out of the turnstile. Like him, I’ve never fired a bazooka. Though I like to imagine it offers more masculine recoil than a 5.56 AR, which could be easily wielded by the children of the author’s wife.
One day after 49 people were killed in the Orlando shooting, I traveled to Philadelphia to better understand the firepower of military-style weapons and, hopefully, explain their appeal to gun lovers.
But mostly, I was just terrified.
It’s not unmanly to concede one’s trepidation toward these malign metal migrants. Let enough of them into your country, and soon enough they establish an electoral majority.
Frank Stelmach of Double Tap Shooting Range and Gun Shop invited me…to come down.
Stelmach, who opened his shop six years ago after a career in law enforcement in Europe, also said he never sells a gun to someone who “looks a little bit funny,” and he claimed he had prevented many guns from getting into the wrong hands because the would-be purchaser “asked stupid questions” like, “What happens to me if the gun is stolen?”
I’d be cautious with that approach, Frank. I rather doubt Vanita Gupta at the Justice Department’s (sic) Civil Rights Division is going to lend much of a hearing to your Islamaphobic bigotry. In fact, it’s likely this statement will be admissible in future legal proceedings pursued by other vulnerable minority members whose civil rights were violated by Mr. Stelmach’s so-called “funny-looking” purchase prohibition. This being little more than a thin veil over de facto racial/religious discrimination.
Selling weapons to a scowling Afghani only harmed 50 gay immigrants. But denying his civil rights would harm us all.
He (Stelmach) loves the AR-15 for cops, soldiers, hunters and target shooters. “It’s fun to shoot something like that,” he said.
Not in my hands. I’ve shot pistols before, but never something like an AR-15. Squeeze lightly on the trigger and the resulting explosion of firepower is humbling and deafening (even with ear protection).
Why would it be humbling? Did he enter this fairy-tale with the suspicion of being able to expel a round with more force from his anus, and was humbled by the realization he could not?
The recoil bruised my shoulder.
Actually just discolorations from Kaposi’s Sarcoma.
The brass shell casings disoriented me as they flew past my face.
The smell of sulfur and destruction made me sick. The explosions — loud like a bomb — gave me a temporary form of PTSD.
Even in semi-automatic mode, it is very simple to squeeze off two dozen rounds before you even know what has happened.
Actually it’s not if one can avoid entering a fugue state on the range. One trigger pull, one discharge. If closely observant you can even predict when these will occur.
Forty nine people can be gone in 60 seconds.
Or three hours.
Though there are two obvious points of all this pant pooping. First, liberals desperately wish to mitigate the collateral damage from their dogma. People of Color and Modest Mental Endowment are suboptimal candidates for responsible firearm ownership, particularly when adhering to aggressive creeds. Though since these same people are necessary to generate electoral victories and virtue frisson, we are obliged to shriek at the whites who cling to this problematic accomodation. That is to say, we want to swamp your votes and achieve vaginal lubrication at the righteousness of doing so–yet we don’t really want to be perforated ourselves. So the guns got to go.
Second, the author’s objective was not to actually describe the (quite mild) experience of firing an AR, but to always advance the agenda. And here I must concede to being impressed with overall liberal messaging in the wake of Orlando. I have detected little cognitive dissonance or rank breaking among their disparate infantry formations. A gay muslim hoses down his political flank and blame falls with precision on guns, Christian Conservatives, and Donald Trump.
That’s discipline. Just don’t try to maintain it with a disorienting Hate Weapon.