Diversity on the Pitch

Reader note: the following analysis was provided in the sandbox by commenter Jeppo. I’m elevating it to a post because we’re going into multicultural penalty shot mode, and some soccer fans are going to be resentful of us at the forefront.

Today the Euro 2016 soccer championship kicked off with France defeating Romania 2-1. Those two teams represent the alpha and omega of Diversity (with a capital D) according to this website:

If you click on the ‘Diversity’ link, you’ll find that 15 of the 23 French players, or 65%, have foreign origins (yay!), while none of the Romanian team are foreigners (boo!). But a closer look at the list reveals a strange definition of ‘Diversity’.

For example, Albania is listed as the third most diverse team, with 13 of its members (57%) being foreigners. But it turns out that all these “foreigners” are actually ethnic Albanians born in other countries. There is no diversity at all on the Albanian team (boo!).

So I’ve amended their list to only include the non-Europeans on each team. While they celebrate diversity, I condemn the Third World invasion of Aryan soccer pitches. While they use their ‘Diversity Index’ to rank the teams in order of xenophilia, I reverse that order using my ‘Wog Infestation Ratio’.

One caveat: while all players of non-European origin are counted here, the occasional white player born outside the continent may be lumped in with them. Outside of researching the dozens of non-Euro players individually, there’s nothing I can do about that. Sorry.

Since 7 teams have no non-European players at all, I’ve decided to break the tie by ranking the teams in order of their proximity to Northwestern Europe, because everybody knows that NW Euros are the cream of the cracker crop. Never let it be said that my racism ends at the Mediterranean and the Urals!

Now, you might be asking, how can I determine which one of, say, Spain or Russia is more proximate to NW Europe? That’s easy, north trumps west except when it doesn’t. That’s the thing about my racism: its capricious and arbitrary.

I’ve compiled this list so that you, fellow haters, will know who to cheer for over the next month. And more importantly, know who to cheer against. Here are the 24 teams and their percentage of non-European players (the Wog Infestation Ratio):

1. Iceland – 0%
2. Slovakia – 0%
3. Hungary – 0%
4. Croatia – 0%
5. Ukraine – 0%
6. Romania – 0%
7. Albania – 0%
8. Northern Ireland – 4%
9. Ireland – 4%
10. Poland – 4%
11. Czech Republic – 4%
12. Wales – 9%
13. Russia – 9%
14. Spain – 9%
15. Sweden – 13%
16. Austria – 13%
17. Italy – 17%
18. Germany – 26%
19. Switzerland – 26%
20. England – 35%
21. Portugal – 35%
22. Belgium – 52%
23. France – 61%
24. Turkey -100%

Iceland über alles.

9 thoughts on “Diversity on the Pitch

  1. There’s a fundamental dullness in all this lurid western xenophilia. That the architects of the third world should wish to live instead in the first is about as remarkable as a column of ants trudging toward your picnic lunch. Yet so many marvel like children: red ants, black ants, just look at the diversity on my sandwich!

  2. Watched the (Current Year) France squad v. Romania game today. I think Italy needs to be ranked a bit higher – the only non Italians on the roster are Ogbonna and el Shaarawy. Motta and Eder, although born in Brazil, are of Italian extraction. Even Spain could be ranked a bit higher – looks like the only non-ethnic Spaniard they have is Thiago. But as Jeppo mentioned, it’s time consuming to go through every roster. I’ll be cheering for my Med roots, but much love for Poland and Hungary.

  3. The Romanian’s are keeping the hate alive on the soccer field! Hopefully they can do the same on their Capitol’s soil and revoke Turkish influence to build Europe’s largest and filthiest mosque in Bucharest.

  4. Thanks Porter.

    @Cristina, you’re right about Italy, only two non-whites on their team. What ever happened to Mario Balotelli anyway?

    There are a LOT of Brazilians playing in this tournament, some white, some not. Even Russia and Poland have Brazilian ringers playing for them.

    As for Spain, David Silva is half-Japanese.

    • Balotelli being left off the roster had everything to do with Italian coach Conte being a BIGOT RACISS and nothing do do with his giant ego and diminishing performance at club level.

      Regarding Silva – didn’t know he was a happa.

  5. Another way of viewing this topic is from the eyes of those most in need. Instead of Wog Infestation Index (which is racist Hate) we might consider the Migrant Orientation Index (MOI). This metric measures the resulting directional movement of a dinghy overloaded with Africans if just team photos were available as their sole information about a country.

    For instance, if the skipper below had only this visual evidence of teams from Detroit and Reykjavik, in what direction would his boat subsequently capsize?

    So those teams have zero and 100 MOIs, respectively.

  6. I followed the game some time ago, when my cable system carried it. Now, meh…both countries of the ancestral stock are represented, but not, ahem, well. Since seeing the obstreperous Orban’s speech regarding welfare tourists, I’ve been impressed. Hungary?, why not.

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