There must be something in the water at Elmont Memorial High School.
A rockfish I’m going to wager. Here’s the headline:
Teen gets accepted by all eight Ivy League schools
Teen. So they brought race into it right off the bat. That’s not very respectful.
For the second year in a row, an Elmont Memorial High School student has been accepted to all eight Ivy League schools. Last year, the Long Island high school’s salutatorian Harold Ekeh chose to attend Yale University after having his pick of all eight Ivy League schools. This year, Augusta Uwamanzu-Nna, Elmont’s valedictorian, will face the same decision.
That’s gratifying. America’s top universities lavishing acceptances on America’s top young minds. Obviously these domestic institutions weren’t created for the benefit of foreigners.
Ekeh and Uwamanzu-Nna are both Nigerian. Ekeh was born in Nigeria and came to the United States when he was 8. Uwamanzu-Nna is the daughter of Nigerian immigrants.
As I was saying, America’s top institutions are here to educate Nigeria’s best and brightest. Though we should forgive the typo in quoted text above. Miss Uwamanzu-Nna isn’t Nigerian at all. Because court interpretations of a vaguely worded postbellum constitutional amendment supersede all organic bonds of blood or kinship, we know that she is instead 100% USA. Exiting her mother’s birth canal into American airspace made it so–the 14th Amendment is quite suggestive about that. At any rate, she is as much an American as any patrician Gladstones who might have been loitering around New Amsterdam since the Castello Plan. And if you don’t believe me, just ask our little Virginia Dare herself.
“Though I was born here in America, I visited Nigeria many times…So definitely, whatever I do, I want to make sure that it has an impact on Nigeria.”
Well I’ve been to the Yucatan, though haven’t subsequently devoted my life’s output to its nurturing, so am a bit at a loss as to what she’s talking about here. Perhaps the Nigerian Economy? Anyway, I’m sure she would be aghast at any association with some blood and soil African Hitlerism. America is a nation of civic propositions. And whether or not a person embraces any of them, they are an American. So let’s just proceed to celebrate the fact that the posterity of Ivy League founders typically can’t pry open their doors with a crowbar.
So how did a regular All-American girl impress so many admissions panels? Was it Elmont Memorial’s rigorous Hip-Hop around the world program? Not entirely.
There are no secrets to academic success, she said. Her 101.64 weighted GPA was earned through hard work.
A 101.64 GPA! I can recall in my high school days when whites would struggle to even earn a 4.0. That’s not even a double digit GPA. No wonder such dullards are displaced in droves. Mankind will soon be bathing under the 12 moons of Ixtat with this prodigious intellect brought to bear.
So aside from earning 25 As in every class, are there any other secrets she can share? Well, that teen thing doesn’t hurt either.
Princeton researchers Thomas J. Espenshade and Chang Y. Chung (assisted by Sum Ting Wong) found that elite universities give extra weight in admissions to candidates whose SAT scores are above 1500, who are African American, and who are student athletes. A smaller, but nevertheless important, preference is extended to Hispanic and legacy applicants. African-American applicants receive the equivalent of 230 extra SAT points (on a 1600-point scale), and being Hispanic is worth an additional 185 SAT points. Other things equal, recruited athletes gain an admission bonus worth 200 points, while the preference for legacy candidates is worth 160 points. Asian-American applicants face a loss equivalent to 50 SAT points. The underrepresented minority advantage is greatest for African-American and Hispanic applicants whose SAT scores are in the 1200–1300 range, and not for applicants near the lower end of the SAT distribution as some have suggested.
That’s quite a black privilege. And one that canny reporters know well to never consider as they cast about for tap-water explanations. Though the toil of diversity is never done. And if man is to leave time and space with no other contribution, let it be a 419 scam across the cosmos.
That’s why Miss Uwamanzu and the Nigerian Space Program are so critical. This country has lofty ambitions for bilking Andromeda’s notoriously credulous xenomorphs with offers of riches from reputable sources within the finance ministry. To that end, it plans to euthanize dozens of ******* by firing them into orbit inside rockets manufactured in Nigeria. I think it will take a very bright Ivy-League educated American girl to suggest galactic Email spamming will be more humane.