I don’t think I’ve ever been so giddy with Thanksgiving anticipation. On Thursday I intend to consume great slathered mounds of fowl, and enough flanking carbohydrates to fire insulin spikes from a nail gun. All of which to be drowned in a vat of celebratory hootch. Not, of course, for sake of a staid white man’s holiday. But rather the entertainment value of America’s now quarterly inner city inferno.
Though as background on the forthcoming festivities, have you heard of Laquan McDonald? Let me assure you are about to. Last October 20 in Chicago, Laquan, a 17 year-old teen with “an extensive juvenile record,” was out just doing what any other teen would on a Monday school night:
✅ Breaking into vehicles in a trucking yard
✅ Threatening pedestrians with a knife
✅ Puncturing tires with his knife
✅ High on PCP
Upon being confronted by the Chicago constabulary, Mr. McDonald declined to relinquish his cutlery and was promptly perforated a lets-leave-nothing-to-chance 16 times. The event being captured for posterity on a police cruiser’s dash-cam.
At the time of his expiration, Laquan was a ward of the state in the temporary custody of his uncle. Though learning of her son’s demise by agents of the city caused a heartwarming bloom of maternal love as his heretofore absent mother lawyered-up in primal grief. The taxpayers quickly settled the claim for $5 million dollars, this figure itself a penurious outrage as the mother was seeking a more reasonable $16 million. Perhaps she imagined Laquan to be a future black farmer.
In any event, everyone was all smiles, until a presiding judge decided that the still concealed video wasn’t getting anything burned down rotting away in an evidence room. He (or she) thus decreed it be released for customary public conflagration and for God’s sake batten down the toilet paper.
This judicial dictate, to which we mysteriously maintain obedience, is set for a Wednesday release. I very much doubt the 12th(?) iteration of Star Wars will see so many resulting pew! pew! pews!
You may wonder, though not for long I hope, at what position Chicago’s mayor has assumed on the matter. Most will recall that Rahm Emanuel once served in the armed forces…of Israel. At any rate, he has taken the temperature of a burning administration building and made the prudent fire suppression decision to cast his police officer under a city bus.
Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Monday described a white police officer’s decision to fire 16 shots into the body of black teenager Laquan McDonald as “hideous” with “no justification,” even though the mayor claimed he has not seen the dashboard camera video a judge has ordered the city to release.
Mayors are busy men. In this case, too busy to watch the footage for which he indicts his officer. Though the point is, when blacks are threatening to incinerate another liberal sinkhole you better damn well start finding some hideous white boys.
Though even that fail safe may prove insufficient in stanching a riot whose time has come.
“Protests are imminent,” said the Rev. Ira Acree, of the Greater St. John Bible Church, 1256 N. Waller Ave. “Mayor Emanuel knows that.”
Acree also said protests were to be expected, adding, “If there were no protests, that would mean we had become immune to these matters.”
“I’m definitely concerned about people’s outrage,” said Pastor Corey Brooks of the New Beginnings Church of Chicago, 6620 S. King Drive. “We’re asking people to be peaceful,” he added, but said religious leaders would not be to blame if protests got out of hand.
“We’re in a situation that has the potential to be a bombshell,” Brooks said.
“A lot of people are going to go crazy,” said Ja’Mal Green, founder of the Auburn Gresham youth group Skyrocketing Teens Corp. He said release of the video had the potential to be “a modern-day Emmett Till,” the Chicago youth whose murder in the ’50s galvanized the nascent civil-rights movement.
A modern day Emmett Till. I suppose Amanda Blackburn must have finished a close second. Though as far as I know she wasn’t even trying to turn her life around–an assertion actually and unironically regurgitated by the McDonald family.
And so here we return. Back to the cusp of another ghetto bonfire, another white capitulation, and another Western city soon sacked by Africa. And as pant-shitting white Chicago liberals inevitably take flight for better Good Schools, I’ll be enjoying the spectacle.
Call your boys to the post Mr. Head!