The Crone, The Cohn, and The Clones

I’ll blog the Democrat debate tonight if glaze can be kept off eyes. It’s quite disappointing that dumb drunk Biden won’t be grinning like an imbecile. I was eagerly anticipating his requisite groping of the nearest female–or Hillary if none were available. This hopefully triggering Hill’s swarthy androgynous man-servant, Huma, into a fit of rage resulting in a debate stage littered with Joe’s extirpated hair plugs. All of which would be infinitely preferable to competitive mawkishness over who is most exquisitely sympathetic to #blacklivesblather.

More to come…If I can bear it.

See if anyone can spot Lauren Batchelder in the audience tonight. Though to the Republican establishment that would probably be friendly fire.

CNN’s panel agrees that her competitors tonight definitely should not attack Hillary.

Even the commercials are prog goofiness. Citibank bragging about shitting money away in Africa.

Ms. Cooper boasting about CNN coverage in Spanish.

Ooga Booga where the diversity at?

Sanders looks like Admiral Stockdale.

lol. That last national anthem note was painful, Ms. Crow. I hope they have a nice liter of Smirnoff waiting backstage.

Well that’s about the 8th “Suffragette” ad so far.

I wonder how Chafee makes his mouth contort like that. Looks like he once got hooked in the Hudson.

Webb’s eyes only begin halfway down his face. Bizarre. You could hold a rugby game on that forehead. Lol, he almost forgot his third daughter’s name…”ummmm, suzy!”

O’Malley wants free universal climate change. Or college. Or something.

Sanders says there are too many prisons. Does he have any space in his basement?

Hillary is here to heal divides.

Hillary says she has proven that a woman can go from the daughter of a dolphin trainer to marrying a philandering future governor of Arkansas. Inspiration for all young women.

Sanders and Clinton citing exclusively European countries as social models. No one seems to notice. What about Ugandan values, bigots?

O’Malley has a bright future in HBO’s forthcoming Westworld robot series.

Webb asked to explain his former opposition to anti-white affirmative action. Poor sap stammers to assure the gallery of his fidelity to the program.

Clinton says millions of Americans are executed every day by NRA assassins.

Long discussion on gun control. Not one breath devoted to the Second Amendment. Note the dems spend precious little time worrying about The Constitution.

Webb makes some sensible pro-gun arguments. You’re in the wrong party, chief.

Chafee just mentions the 2A after twenty minutes.

Haha. Clinton says Putin is bullying the poor little US of A. He can’t bomb our terrorists!

Sanders and Chafee hammering Hilly on the Iraq war.

Sanders says he only supports military force when America is threatened. Immediately mentions that he voted for attacking the Serbs in Kosovo. Apparently we all tend to forget about Milosevic’s massing invasion force on the Canadian border.

O’Malley should be mined for his estrogen.

Webb is comically out of place in this party. Will Sanders lean over and whisper it in his ear?

Clinton: “Libya was smart power at its best.” Hill happy that there are now elections in that post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Webb: “Our greatest ally, Israel.”

Sanders: Our greatest national security threat is inclement weather.

Cooper has surprisingly been something incrementally better than worthless as a moderator.

Clinton quite upset about taxpayer money spent on Email and Benghazi probes. Who knew she was so frugal with our money?

Sanders defends Clinton on Emails. Hill tongue-gestures an offer of sex in gratitude.

Questioner asks: “Do black lives matter or do all lives matter?”
Sanders: black lives only
O’Malley: black lives only
Clinton: body cameras
Webb: All lives matter. 📢 Racist 📢

Sanders: under Bush, America lost 27 million jobs monthly. Wants tuition-free universities across America.

Clinton has a five year plan.

Sanders railing on Wall Street. Is Lloyd Blankfein watching this?

Clinton wants Wall Street executives in the prisons she doesn’t want to exist.

Sanders says Wall Street regulates Congress; not the opposite. Agreed.

Clinton always stays true to her values. She’ll let you know what those are at a later date.

Chafee admits he had no idea what he was voting on in the senate.

Sanders can’t believe every young person doesn’t get free university education…It’s 2015!

Clinton wants students to work 10 hours/week (landscaping in the Hamptons) for free college.

Sanders wants wage caps removed on soc. sec. taxes.

Mexican moderator grills Sanders on his failure to personally shuttle Salvadorans across the border.

O’Malley wants illegal aliens to receive Obamacare subsidies.
Webb grudgingly agrees.
Clinton actually demurs. She adds that Republicans have demonized “hardworking immigrants.”

O’Malley stands against the xenophobes. In-state tuition for hardworking Bangladeshis.

Sanders is the only one opposed to the NSA’s surveillance state.

Sanders and Chafee vaguely support Edward Snowden. Clinton and O’Malley would have him humanely euthanized.

Clinton pulls the vagina card. I am woman, hear yourself snore.

Webb is not sanguine about Obama’s executive edicts.

O’Malley wants sustainable Somalians for demographic change.

Webb is asked if he is out of step with the party. Apparently he’s the only one oblivious to the fact.


Clinton claims she and Barry went Seal Team Six on the Chinese and “broke into their secret meeting” demanding they sign a weather treaty. Does anyone on Earth bother to fact-check this gobbledygook?

Clinton: We should not allow the republicans to use Big Government to take down Planned Parenthood. This means something, I’m sure.

Sanders supports pot legalization, says too many lives are being destroyed. Apparently by sobriety.

Sanders says republicans have been terrible obstructionists in preventing democrat hegemony.

And to mercifully conclude: Chafee, O’Malley, and Webb are models of self-delusion. I’ll be the prog standard-bearer before any of them. Sanders is a cranky antique social democrat who is too one-note to gain sufficient traction. Hillary is the obvious nominee, barring an inspired Biden offensive.

Thank God that’s over.


13 thoughts on “The Crone, The Cohn, and The Clones

  1. Pingback: The Crone, The Cohn, and The Clones | Reaction Times

  2. Dear god that was fucking painful. I think the only thing worse would be a public gynecological exam.

    Only slightly less painful was the Luntz panel on Fox. Christ these idiots don’t even know what a fucking socialist is and don’t get the difference between secure email and gmail. If I had treated my client’s data the way she did I’d have been fired and possibly sued.

    Next debate for these jokers, I’m drinking if Biden isn’t in. Hell, I’m drinking if he is.

  3. Damn, I totally forgot this was on. Not that it mattered; a pack of hyenas couldn’t have torn me away from the Juneteenth BET Awards Sponsored by Michelob.

  4. There was a donkey debate on tonight? Thanks for letting me know what my dad was doing this evening. Porter, I could say that you have the patience of a saint, but to my mind any saint that’s worth a damn would not have any patience at all for stubborn animals like them. I appreciate your endurance.

  5. The worst part is that Webb didn’t even sell himself. Not a single mention of how many zipperheads he iced in ‘Nam. Rook move, kemosabe.

    • He did make an attempt. Though in everything else, it was to the most cringingly inapt audience. One question was “what enemy are you most proud of having made.”

      The others chortled about the NRA or xylophones. Webb said he was most proud of making the enemy that tried to kill him in the ‘Nam. “But he’s not here to talk about it hehe.” It was intended as a laugh/applause line, and might have been at a different venue. Though the response in that asylum was a silence of dead space.

      • My bad. I completely forgot about that, especially given the preparations I had to take before I could even settle into that particular spectacle. You naughty alcohol, you drunken me.

  6. Thanks for the tour ’round the asylum.

    Now I’ll email my Pakistani Muslim MP about… no wait. Is this a padded room?

  7. Webb is an idiot. Problem for him is that he really wants to run but Republicans haven’t forgotten or forgiven his defection.

  8. For those interested–likely few I’ll grant–the debate featured another exchange I only alluded to above. The crone and cohn were debating the merits of Scandinavian-style social democracies when the former peremptorily concluded with (as I’ll paraphrase from memory) “Look I like Denmark, but America isn’t Denmark!”

    Well thanks for that tautology, Hill. Your left foot isn’t also your right foot, but you don’t say I’ll put a shoe on one and an alligator’s mouth on the other. The question you were obliged to consider is how are they different that makes one’s social model unworkable for the other.

    Of course Hilly knows the answer as well as she knows it can’t be stated. Denmark works because it is full of Danes, not Nigerians and Nicaraguans. Fortunately for the candidates Ms. Cooper didn’t linger long to explore that notion.

    • Thank God America will always be America and not Denmark, because of the Constitution. That withered piece of hemp paper can turn an inbred psychotic jihadist into a Jeffersonian democrat as soon as his left foot follows his right on to the airport tarmac. The poor Danes have no such comfort.

  9. Pingback: This Week in Reaction (2015/10/18) | The Reactivity Place

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