I notice the junior cringe edition is playing presently in California. So far I’ve just caught calls to transfer all US military technology not already stolen to Israel. It’s sometimes said that country is equivalent to our 51st state. Though I doubt they’d appreciate the demotion.
Regardless, I’ll blog the debate tonight barring drone strike or boredom. I can’t really recall a time when an entire political firmament, every candidate, and all the cockroaches under the floorboards were so unified in opposition to a solitary figure. Trump has certainly made the right enemies. All of whom will be hissing in concert. It would take a prodigal display of savoir faire to nimbly navigate this long-practiced fusillade, and numbers alone dictate some of the blizzard of barbs will land. That’s all the establishment wants: anyone but Trump. Hillary in 16!
Of course the menagerie is entirely too flush presently and much of the herd must be culled. Since there’s five competing/overlapping factions within the GOP, I expect only a champion for each in short order.
1) Legacy America
4) We’re not racists!
Let’s set the players into position and turn on the vibrating floor.
Idiotic opening by Rubio. Water joke fell flat.
Simply do not see the draw to Carson. No charisma whatsoever.
Jeb Bush wants you to know he’s a rock-solid conservative.
Walker appers to have swallowed only three Quaaludes this evening.
LoL. Kasich reciting bullet points.
Christie says “take the camera off me…” Camera stays on him. Oh-kay.
Shit question out of the gate by CNN. Attack on Trump and then…”Do you agree?”
Trump lays into Paul for some reason. Pointless.
Paul takes opportunity to upbraid Trump. Trump rather dumbly charges into the cape with a sophomoric insult.
Trump is coming off quite poorly with the bragging.
Walker jumping on Trump now. All according to plan.
Kasich offering to be the adult. Canny.
Carson mumbling something.
Fiorina talking about producing results. Hey what were her results at HP?
Bush and Trump debating blackjack in Florida.
Trump backhands Bush and sets him down. Bush sits.
Carson says he doesn’t lick boots. I wonder if he’s been to Tajikistan.
Rubio begins describing historical events in 2016.
Fiorina ready to send in Harrison Ford against Putin.
Fiorina: “Putin is a bad actor.” Has she ever seen Tyler Perry?
Cruz going to rip things to shreds.
Kasich is doing well in projecting a cautious moderation.
Paul the only candidate to not shriek about needing to nuke Iran.
Bush calls for massive Ashley Madison cyber hack on China.
LOL. Huckabee says Israel is about “the survival of human civilization.” Christ. You’re running for president of the wrong country Mike.
Trump makes valid point about the foolishness of Obama’s “red line” in Syria.
Rubio says planned attack on Syria wasn’t massive enough.
Paul making unusually adult observation that deposing Assad likely results in something much worse.
Why do none of these “bomb Islamists!” candidates ever suggest we not allow them in the country? Kill them there, or pay them here is the party position.
Huckabee making sound points on gay marriage issue. Jurisdiction of courts that are never examined. Other candidates looking on like flummoxed chipmunks.
Bush says we need accomodations for conscience against supreme court “laws.” Hmm, how about Brown v. Board of Education?
Cruz looking a little more relaxed than Lurch.
Christie bringing a decent mix of passion and jocularity.
A Fiorina/Clinton debate might drive a lot of men into the sanctuary of hard narcotics.
Trump with a goofy attack on Bush for being “against women.”
And now it’s all womenwomenwomen. Trump looking petulant.
lol troll. Trump: I think Fiorina has a beautiful face. She appears even less beautiful in response.
Trump: you wouldn’t even be talking about immigration if not for me. Correct.
Christie plans to protect the border with drones and fingerprints.
Christie and Carson: we have a horrible illegal immigration problem…but what can you do?
Bush rhapsodizing about his statuesque all-American wife.
Bush: Invasion is an American value.
Trump: We speak ENGLISH.
Rubio: my grandfather…immigrant…loved Ronald Reagan…son of a sugar-cane. Good lord.
Carson: Americans don’t like to work in agriculture.
Cruz says he is the only candidate that has never approved amnesty. Cites Jeff Sessions.
Rubio says he’s found Hey-Sus on amnesty.
Carson reiterates that Americans won’t grow food.
Trump making solid points against birthright citizenship. “We are one of the only ones dumb enough to do it.” Fiorina flatly refuses to address the issue. “We can’t make the 14th Amendment go away.” It’s right there in the 14th A…or something.
Trump discusses the disaster that is Hewlett-Packard. Fiorina yelps about bankruptcy.
Christie unloads on Trump and Fiorina for navel gazing.
Huckabee wants to defenestrate the income tax altogether. Touts fairtax.
Carson has expansive perspective on “socialism.”
Carson and Paul both want flat tax.
Walker asked about minimum wage. Responds that he will repeal Obamacare on Day 1.
Carson makes valid point about high minimum wage pressuring employment of young people.
Kasich discussing potato chips as near as I can determine.
Christie volunteers to prosecute Clinton over her IT department.
Trump coming across as brittle on many exchanges tonight.
Rubio says it’s important to properly pronounce the names of Arab militants.
Rubio: you must be able to lead on Day 1. I sure hope Sheldon is picking up his phone.
Rubio: I’ve missed dozens of senate votes because American children deserve a better future.
Trump mentioning that he’s the only one who was against the Iraq war. Follows it up with another dumb swipe at Paul for some reason. Paul says he was against it as well.
Carson says he personally recommended GWB not go into Iraq. “Dick, get me the best neurosurgeon you can find on this Iraq problem.”
Mentions of Syria tonight: dozens
Mentions of South Carolina: zero
Paul: we are always the world’s patsies. The middle east should fight their own battles. Yes.
Fiorina calls for intergalactic American expeditionary force.
Cruz ripping former Bush presidents for Supreme Court selections. Says they were too weak to fight for better candidates. True enough.
Huckabee speaks out strongly for the 10th Amendment. At least Kakistocracy readers might know what that is.
Paul: Drug laws are discriminatory against blacks. Just ridiculous.
Christie calls for social security means testing.
Carson claims the medical literature does not support a causal link between childhood vaccines and Reason.com.
Huckabee comes out strong against mortality.
Rubio, Cruz, and Trump call for Rosa Parks on $$$$. Fiorina says she wouldn’t change any of the currency and calls for respect for our history. By far her best response of the night.
CNN asks candidates what type of bug they would be…or something.
Does someone have a big-game tranquilizer dart for Fiorina? What a bloviating bitter harpy.
And a series of boilerplate drivel to conclude.
This did not strike me as a strong performance by Trump and I expect some material leveling as a result. The appeal of either Carson or Fiorina continues to evade me and so I won’t predict their course. Christie probably forklifted himself up a few points and Walker may be returning to Wisconsin. Cruz seemed stiff, Rubio callow, and Bush nondescript. No matter who gets elected, the middle east appears to be in good hands. Goodnight.