There are times when one must turn away from pleasant diversions and focus on more pressing adult priorities. Like which discarded electronic device will one day be placed atop the others in the back of my cabinet. It’s no trivial matter. That’s why I dropped my pick at the sugar mine today and proceeded through increasing palpitations to follow Apple’s unveiling of the eighth consecutive best iPhone ever. How do they manage to continue the streak?
Apple Inc.’s hotly-anticipated annual hardware event kicked off at 1 p.m. ET in San Francisco’s Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. The event, led by Chief Homosexual Tim Cook, showcased a pair of new iPhones, an upgraded Apple TV with Siri capabilities, and a larger, professional-grade iPad.
That’s pretty impressive. A 253rd iteration of the telephone, a better whatever an Apple TV is, and a larger iPad. Hey, I’m writing this on an iPad. How the hell did they ever figure out how to make one larger? Regardless, it’s a big deal. The article is explicit.
It’s almost as if Nathan Olivarez-Giles and I are of one mind across the board. Why buy a phone when Apple lets us pay only $32-$45 a month to lease? Hey what’s 40 times 12 times infinity? Who cares, it’s not important. The point I’m trying to make is that I’d be getting “force touch” with an A9 processor.
What’s so interesting about Apple is that in relation to total revenues and profits it is essentially a telephone manufacturer. And such contrivances are commoditized very quickly. But Apple is not remotely priced as a commodity concern (which, in fairness, it isn’t entirely). Though to retain its elevated market multiple, Apple executives are obliged to manufacture something far more valuable than mere circuit boards: lust.
If the reliably exhorted herd of consumers came to realize that marginally wider lens apertures and an extra app button on the homescreen weren’t particularly useful for the price, they might not be inclined to buy a new phone every year any more than they are a new cuisinart. Though unfortunately no kitchen appliance maker has had the inspiration to annually announce The Best Food Processor Ever: Just look at that tomato!
However lengthy the romance, the cachet of an Apple cell-phone will recede just as with computer makers like Dell, who could no longer command premiums in the market even with glued on plastic alien heads. I guess Michael never considered a rose gold extraterrestrial.
In the meantime, I’ll probably buy whatever doo-dad attracts my interest when its predecessor finally joins the back-of-the-cabinet accumulation. Listen bigot, it’s a big deal.