Cooking with Conservatives

If one were endowed with cool indifference to its resolution, this would be a campy good time to live in America. The sober earnestness of actually building a civilization having long since succumbed to a lascivious frisson in tearing it apart. And isn’t the latter always more fun? It is almost possible to hear the satisfied little-boy engine noises coming from the left and their attached conservative homunculi. Each one punctuating another fallen pillar of what had been so carefully constructed.

yeeeaawww…free speech and association
Brrrrum…nation-states
Eeeeeyap…heterosexual marriage
Whooosh…safety and social capital

Boom, crash, and bap it went until–in only a fraction of the time it took to create–the little boy is left banging rubble against rock. The age of two vast and trunkless legs having arrived without even a bugle note of pomp. And a civilization that once wrapped its hands around the moon, now fumbles to swipe its EBT.

But that’s not all bad for a man blessed with a nihilist’s rakish grin. Instead of the productive hum of a homogenous society, we have the caturwauling and cacophony of diversity. Instead of white shirts and black ties, we have white cucks and #blacklives. Instead of mothers cooking, we have ovaries wilting. And when Sunday School gets moved to Folsom Street, that eternal being you’re praying to just might have a swank subterranean penthouse. All of which offers a panoply of entertainment options for the discriminating connoisseur of collapse.

Though decline isn’t just about the frivolous pleasure of trans-hermophrodite orgies sprawling beyond a crumbling cabana. There remains many serious souls seeking sanctification–their own pole of totems to worship. And watching all of these comically disparate components being shoe-horned into our choreographed election process might just be the most sensual delight there is outside of Senator Graham’s bedchambers.

Two of those most fascinating for furtive consumers of Hate are the cute master/slave fetish couple of liberal and conservative. Everyone understands the asymmetric power distribution in this relationship. Liberals march, conservatives follow. Liberals accuse, conservatives grovel. Liberals demand heads, conservatives chop them. Liberals eat their lunch, and conservatives mop them. In political terms, conservatives consolidate liberal gains…and are called racist for not having their hearts into it. Well that’s all changing now. Because conservatives have had a sort of internal “come to Jesus meeting.” That being Hey-Sus. And he seems to have made quite an impression.

I previously suggested the onset of severe Cuckholm Syndrome within the abusive lib/con relationship. And though the descriptive terminology is flippant, the reality is to weep. Conservatives have been ♣️’d with racist so intensely for so long, and most importantly, taken the gibe so seriously that the meme has marinated into their anguished souls. It has become central to their being. Internalized. I speculate that a not insignificant percentage of conservative mainstream Christians would consider anti-racism as inseparable from God himself (apparently the Holy Father is inclined to grant accommodations for all other races).

And while liberals will grace this conversion with a sneer, it’s hardly the same internal combustion that fires their own droning denunciations. Morally reconstructed conservatives adopt Africans, while liberals pan for Good Schools. Conservatives say content of character; liberals say white privilege. Conservatives have dreams of a color-blind society; liberals have nightmares about white babies. What we have here is a failure to communicate. And an equal failure to comprehend. Liberals don’t address La Raza because they are anti-racist. It was all a ruse you conservative dunces. A dull cudgel to knot your thick heads. A cookbook. And you imbeciles tossed yourselves into the microwave. Now get in with us you nazis!

I sometimes wonder whether the glittery-eyed fanatics that will come to drag bigots out in their bedclothes will be members of the D or R team. Increasingly I don’t know. And increasingly I don’t care. Lindsey’s having a pool party.

3 thoughts on “Cooking with Conservatives

  1. Pingback: This Week in Reaction (2015/08/02) | The Reactivity Place

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