The World is Full of Obvious Things Nobody Ever Observes

Would that the fictional Sherlock Holmes were animated in pixels today. His axiom above now bearing sufficient mass to bend light. Though like the white cis-bigoted Holmes himself, his process of logical deduction slouches in shame under modernity’s priggish leer. For what could he ascertain aside from the trifles of guilt? I don’t think Doyle penned a single tale in which Holmes successfully mined a crime scene for prohibited bias. And to what other objective do men of the law toil? Though it is only through digesting such antique methodologies that we come to a fully blossomed appreciation for contemporary criminal justice. A man must suckle before he swigs. And he must find facts before finding hate. Let’s snuggle in close this stormy night to read.

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. (Reuters) – A 20-year-old man accused of killing his former supervisor at a North Carolina community college carried out a “calculated plan,” according to police.

Let’s pause there. As laymen of modest faculties and imagination, we can envision this killer’s “calculated plan.” We may infer these calculations included elaborate planning, disguises, deception, and diversion. Perhaps with accomplices and red herrings to veil the escape. There might be pre-littered parcels bearing cash, weapons, and fake passports. This culminating from months of planning, organization, and rehearsal.

Kenneth Morgan Stancil III fired one round from a 12-gauge shotgun at Ron Lane, 44, after the Wayne Community College print shop director arrived for work on Monday morning at the campus in Goldsboro, North Carolina, police said.

Or maybe he just shot the guy as he walked into work.

“I can say with confidence that Mr. Stancil had a calculated plan and he in fact carried out that plan,”

Alright, alright. He had a calculated plan. That plan was to walk into work with a shotgun and shoot the victim upon arrival. But he was calculated about it.

Stancil’s mother told a local television station that Lane, Stancil’s former boss at the school’s print shop, had made unwanted sexual advances toward her son while he was enrolled in the school’s work-study program.

(Police) on Tuesday said they are investigating the shooting as a possible hate crime.

See this is where Holmes would have fallen far short. Upon unraveling the calculations of Stancil’s labyrinthine plan, the detective would have announced the identity of the assailant and promptly retired to his brandy and women. But this is merely the beginning of a modern investigation. The art is in coaxing out those ethereal filaments of hate.

“We’re absolutely investigating that possibility,” Goldsboro police Sergeant Jeremy Sutton told reporters at a news conference.

The sergeant declined to say what specific biases were being considered in the hate crime investigation.

Do you remember nothing from Holmes? These investigators can’t just frivolously speculate on what manner of malevolence may have lurked in the mind of a murderer. From a Scandal in Bohemia:

It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

And NO ONE in the contemporary West modifies positions to accommodate cherished theories. So before another thought is given to whom or what he hated, the police department will conduct pet scans of his brain, consult spiritual mediums, and present the defendant with numerous Rorschach images in a controlled environment. Oh, and they’ll also ask every acquaintance whether he ever said ****** or ******. (Sotto Voce) That last piece is critical. So we see that advanced techniques and algorithms can be deployed to peer into an otherwise shuttered psyche and create three dimensional images of the subject’s internal hate topography. This providing police, prosecutors, and juries with the scientific evidence upon which to build a thought conviction.

So if Stancil had any ruminations more nefarious than those of an Eagle Scout, they will assuredly be excavated.

Stancil’s mother told television station WNCN that her son, who had earned the rank of Eagle as a Boy Scout, was angry about his dismissal.

Sweet Jesus, he was an Eagle Scout! Though at least detectives can mercifully eliminate one hate vector. Both the victim and assailant were white. So we may be spared the chorus line of rhyming reverends, goodboy mamas, and subsidized protestors. Thank God for tender mercies. Wait, what’s this last item?

Sutton said detectives also were looking into whether the former student with no prior criminal arrest record had any affiliation with white supremacy groups.

Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?

To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.

The dog did nothing in the night-time.

That was the curious incident.


16 thoughts on “The World is Full of Obvious Things Nobody Ever Observes

    • I’m imagining those little marbles rolling down the track with Tom Cruise picking one up that says “Jeb Bush.” Then Cruise manipulates the three dimensional image of the Bush brain while explaining to a disembodied panel of the court that “As you can see, right below this structure is where his disdain for butterscotch merges into ******death.”

  1. He is in the hands of the Jews, and may at any moment be sold up and his racing stables seized by his creditors.

    The original texts are full of fun crimespeak and acute mansplaining. In present day, the BBC (the television station, you dirty dogs) plays up the homosexual innuendo of male friendship. The “unscrupulous creditors” at CBS have gone much further, casting Dr. Watson as a pancake-faced female who does most of the crime-solving legwork thanks to the weekly abstract thought from her junkie sidekick Holmes, who is still a straight white male in particular power structure.

    • Haven’t seen any of the teevee versions, though I did watch both Guy Ritchie movie adaptations. The second being so abominable I resigned from the effort mid-way through.

    • The Jeremy Brett TV series is generally charming, although unlike the Agatha Christie adaptations they usually don’t correct glaring oversights in the original text (e.g. not having gay-themed subplots or jarring interracial romances)

  2. Police response to daily black on white murder: No hate, where’s lunch?

    New police response to white murder of anyone: There’s hate here somewhere, and it’s our solemn duty to bring that emotion to justice.

  3. An expert who tracks hate groups said Stancil’s facial tattoo with the number “88” was a clear indication of a neo-Nazi, who have been accused of attacking gays. However, police have not said whether Stancil held white supremacist beliefs.

    It tells us later in the story that the expert was – you’ve guessed it – from the SPLC, to whom the police seem to be outsourcing much of their work these days.

  4. The SPLC, of course. You can imagine their Rainmanesque ‘expert’ offering the police the only advice they ever give: Hate, definitely hate. We’re excellent connivers.

  5. LOL. Indeed, the “calculated,” byzantine, labyrinthine — the English language does not supply sufficient adjectives — scheming of Mr. Stancil, putting together his exquisitely plotted hatecrime. I foresee a lot of overnight shifts for the dedicated public servants down at the precinct getting to the bottom of this one. Isn’t the FBI already involved? What are the broader policy implications? We probably need at least five other laws.

    No straightforward “random,” “senseless,” “wrong-place, wrong-time,” zip-up-the-body-bag, no-muss-no-fuss here. There are probably two entire seasons of Criminal Minds waiting to be written from this one.

  6. They couldn’t find a single photo of the “victim” where he wasn’t posing suggestively, or with his boy catamite lover:

    20-year old shooter gets sexual advances made on him by a 40-year old fat faggot on the prowl after aforesaid faggot’s boy lover commits suicide, shoots him “for a friend.”

  7. The BotB states it fairly enough:

    “Ah well. This waking nightmare will have its reckoning soon. The craven disfigured beasts devouring the last shreds of cultural goodness seem to get hungrier with each swallow. They hunch over the carcass of their nation with a purpose that belies any hope of compromise. They will eat until nothing’s left, or they will be made prey themselves.”

  8. He looks like the Evil Racist Skinhead straight from a low-budget miniseries. Morris Dees himself couldn’t have designed him better. Any guy who tattoos his face has mental health problems.

  9. “When you have eliminated whatever is impossible, whatever remains no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”
    I ask my people.
    What is there?
    What is hated?
    What is the truth?

  10. So the KGB changed it’s name to the SPLC eh? The enemies of the glorious revolution to exterminate the White race will be sniffed out if we have to search every email, phone call or memory. All White are guilty of existing at all, thus there is a hate crime somewhere in there, my boy. Go find it!

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