1) Twice deported colonist comes out of the shadows to murder the cops Americans won’t murder. Non-vibrant funerals to follow.
2) Democrats move to regulate political speech on blogs. Kakistocracy shifts to horticulture.
3) French Calais a “lawless jungle.” Many thanks to the far left.
4) Rifts form in the Americans and Israelis united for Israel organization. Republicans await direction from Mr. Adelson.
5) An African family of six exercises their constitutional right to live in America at their sole discretion. Suffers racial quaranfiling as a result.
6) Legacy Americans down to 58% of electorate in Georgia. Always eager to help liberals advise republicans to jettison.
8) Most wealthy in America are jews and hindus. That ole white privilege, she ain’t what she used to be.
10) I must admit, this sentence offers a concise summation.
And because I have a heart as soft as a marshmallow, here’s to the most beautiful time of year.