Economy Imperils Democrats

What are the most pressing issues that we and our posterity face? Some are discussed periodically in these pages. One item in particular, readers understand to be an issue of singular importance: The Economy. On this the Thundering Absurd agrees.


The Economy is obviously the number one concern. I mean if you, your family, and your ancient civilization were all to be cleanly scoured from the planet’s surface, you’d surely pass into oblivion rightly concerned about next quarter’s GDP growth. It’s that important. Other areas, like being colonized and dispossessed, are more mid-tier. While Changing Global Warm was deemed a bit less pressing than the appropriate breed of stuffed horse to hump with short fast movements in a Walmart housewares section. That is to say: much less so. Perhaps priorities are properly aligned after all.

But I want to focus a bit on why The Economy is important. And why Republicans, in the final days before November elections, should simply repeat that word until their tongues slough off from The Ebola. And that is because unlike our smallest African immigrant, which is so lightly contagious it can only be transmitted to persons wearing full bio-hazard suits, The Economy affects everyone.

Here’s an example you may have not considered.

Four teenagers have been charged with attempted homicide and robbery of two state representatives late Tuesday night in Harrisburg, according to police.

Jamani Ellison, 17; Jyair Leonard, 15; Derek Anderson, 17 and Zha-quan McGhee, 15, have been charged with attempted homicide, conspiracy, robbery, aggravated assault, recklessly endangering and carrying a firearm without a license, according to a news release issued by police in Harrisburg.

House Democratic Caucus spokesman Bill Patton said that state Rep. Marty Flynn, D-Scranton, and state Rep. Ryan Bizzarro, D-Erie, were walking from the Capitol to the house they stay in when they were approached by their assailants.

The incident happened between North Second and Third streets, around 11 p.m. near the 200 block of Herr Street, police said.

Police said one of the teens pointed a gun at the head of Bizzarro, moments before the suspects and Flynn exchanged gunfire.

“Shots were exchanged between the suspects and the victim and the robbery suspects then fled the area. The suspects were located a few blocks away and were positively identified by the victims. A third suspect, who was in their company, was charged as an accomplice in the robbery. A fourth, Zha-Quan McGhee was arrested at his home, after a follow up investigation,” according to the news release.

Police did not say which teen pointed the gun at the victim’s head or which one fired at the representatives. The gun used in the robbery was recovered by police.

All four teens have been charged as adults, police said.

How disappointed those white democrat legislators must have been in the behavior of their constituents. And how strange that their (surely) conspicuous displays of racial rectitude didn’t deflect the bullets from their goof-named assailants. Certainly Derek, Jamani, Jyair and Zha-quan must have given solemn consideration to the well-articulated tolerance of those congressmen before deciding to expose their cerebellums to the sodium lamps. If anti-racism is no prophylactic to that, then what the hell do we get from it other than delicious shivers of moral preening? And who can enjoy those when blood is evacuating through the back of your skull?

One can only imagine how highly vexed is Mr. Bizzarro at the moment.

I have a MLK figurine on my dashboard.
I own every Bob Marley album.
I’ve voted for affirmative action twice.
And I’ve seen 12 Years a Slave thirteen goddamn times!

I just don’t think Zha-Quan was paying attention frankly. Oddly enough, neither seems to be the media. And that’s probably because this wasn’t an attempted racial assassination of three sitting state congressmen. No. This was a robbery gone wrong…or right…or something. But a robbery is what it was.

And that’s why the Democrats are worried about the upcoming election. Because crime is caused by poverty, except in West Virginia. And the poor economy has caused more poverty. And this poverty has directly forced otherwise stolid Democrats like Jyair and Jamani to attempt to execute their representatives. That’s all there is to it. A better capacity utilization rate would have almost certainly forestalled this whole unseemly intra-party skirmish.

So remember, The Economy isn’t just about making very wealthy people incrementally wealthier. It’s also about keeping democrats from shooting each other. I trust readers require no more inducement for due concern than that.


6 thoughts on “Economy Imperils Democrats

  1. Like the death of Little Nell, you would have to have a heart of stone to read this without laughing. Bizzarro? Zha-Quan? Jyalr? Really? REALLY?!? Some stories are just too good to be true. Well, it’s always good for politicians to get to know their core constituency, at any rate.

      • Hopefully not in person.

        I remember reading a story by a doctor who worked in a maternity ward, who said that he was constantly having to prevent black mothers from naming their kids things like “Latrine”, “Lavoris”, and “Dentine”. The doctor was black, by the way…

      • I recall once a public address call where the announcer sheepishly requested “ummmm…Tarantula.”

        The outraged respondent stormed to the PA reprimanding, “It’s taran-TUL-a!” To which she promptly received a groveling apology.

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