Well Halloween is right around the corner…or something. And do we have a tale to tell. Though first, do you believe in any of the old traditional creatures? Bigfoot? Loch Ness Monster? UFOs? I used to thrill to the possibilities as a kid. There was a romance to those mysteries. Something beyond our staid, scheduled lives. A nighttime alive with mischievous grins…and serrated teeth. I still enjoy imagining the unknown, and like to think interesting beasties might yet remain in that category.
Though sadly traditional western monsters are being displaced in their homelands by several invasive varieties. These “new monsters” are said to provide more frights at less pay than their legacy counterparts. Some even contend there are scares that Sasquatch just won’t do. Addressing a sparse crowd of the hirsute behemoths, Senator McCain challenged You go frighten campers and tourists for a whole season. Not just Halloween, but the whole season. You can’t do it, my friends.
To reinforce the strength of his commitment to a more inclusive menagerie, the senator has sponsored legislation on multiple occasions that would legalize thousands of terrifying
Central American Chupacabras now living in the shadows.
But those aren’t the only vibrant “new monsters.” Several other sprites have established colonies and advocacy groups, each alleging oppression by nativist horrors. As examples, have you ever heard of…
How could a clutch of low TFR aging serpents trapped in a Scottish lake hope to compete with these ghouls in a modern interconnected world?
Though the old stalwarts are still capable of raising an arm hair occasionally. And that brings us to a true story. One evening some months ago I set about the evening ritual before bed. Locking doors, turning off lights, and shimmying under covers. The house was dark and tranquil as another day of cheerful optimism concluded. Then some time a few hours later I fitfully rose from deep slumber. There was a vague apprehension…I didn’t know what. A feeling. Unease. Out of place. Sum Ting Wong. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a sliver of light. Strange. I blearily rose and shambled to open the bedroom door and…LIGHT. Bright light. Everywhere. I walked agape through the hallway. Every single light in the house was turned on. Every one. And there are no sleepwalkers. I inspected closets, bathrooms, the foyer. Every light, every lamp inside the house and out. I turned it all off and then sat on the couch listening…mostly for the sound of my own bowels to void. Silence. I thought of calling Shomrim, but what would I say?
About an hour later I returned to bed…and did not sleep.
And though now, in daylight and hindsight, I feel certain this was nothing more than the prank of a benign poltergeist or cacodemon, there remains lingering doubt. Almost a slight primal fear. A sibilant whisper from across a quiet house. I had cast these thoughts aside…until what happened last week.