How Would Your Administration Bomb Iraq?

The titular question should, I submit, become a fixture of all presidential debates going forward. I realized this upon reading that Obama now becomes the fourth consecutive US president to shower that forsaken sandbox with high-explosive ordnance. Candidate positions on the bombing of Iraq–not whether, but whom and where–should be vetted just as we seek clarification on such topics as The Economy, racial tiering of citizenship, and the proper degree of corporate fealty. Perhaps we could institute a Clue type format to the Q and A.

Republican: I would attack the Shiites in the south with cruise missiles.
Democrat: I would attack the Sunnis in the North with heavy bombers.
Moderator: Your rebuttal sir?
Republican: But what about the Baathists in Syria?!
Democrat: Uranium enrichment in Iran!
Moderator: Have you both forgotten the security of our ally, Israel?
Democrat and Republican: Bomb Gaza!

All of this, I believe, contributes to a very worrisome trend in domestic American sentiment. The government’s trust in the people has hit an all-time low.

Just 13% of The State says the American people can be trusted to do what is right always or most of the time, with just over three-quarters saying only some of the time and one in 10 saying they never trust the people, according to the poll.

“The number who trust the people all or most of the time has sunk so low that it is hard to remember that there was ever a time when the government routinely trusted the public,” CNN Polling Director Keating Holland said.

The survey indicates that skepticism doesn’t stop at Main Street or the front porch: Only 17% of Big Business believes that consumers or workers can be trusted to do what is right always or most of the time.

Obviously the government and corporations losing faith in the American people can have wide-ranging repercussions. Some in The Corporate State have even suggested a wholesale population replacement program. Others off-the-record slyly concede that such a program has already been underway for some time. “What choice did they leave us?” was the plaintive query of one executive who requested anonymity.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan was willing to speak candidly of the government’s no-longer clandestine expression of disappointment in its people. He called the changing population a seminal moment in education. “We can’t talk about other people’s children. These are our children,” he said.

The ramifications of Secretary Duncan’s position have not yet been fully clarified amidst the rapid, and all-to-the-good, change now occurring throughout America. For if every child born in the world is an American, then by bombing Iraq, we are bombing “our children.” It is a difficult challenge that has left many US policymakers scrambling for answers.

One administration source suggested a possible solution to the seemingly intractable “bomb Iraq/they’re our children” conundrum. In this scenario, the full 36 million population of Iraq would be resettled in America prior to the next annual bombing season. This would allow the US military to maintain its obligatory campaign of destruction to keep us safe, while not injuring any of America’s Iraqi children. Reportedly several high-ranking administration officials have been impressed by this unconventional perspective as it appears to be gaining support both there and in the Pentagon.

A final decision is expected soon after attacks commence on Russia and China to protect our children in those countries.

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