Call Donald Maloney


I have been told that there was a time before caller-ID, when shiftless young men would impotently amuse themselves making prank calls to hapless unfortunates. Reportedly, the Buddha to these votaries was an enigmatic wag calling himself Mark Knopfler. Whether he actually sidelined as the lead singer of Dire Straits was a mystery never unraveled. At any rate, I read an article today that reminded me of a minor entry in his legendary catalog. Discarding all pleasantries, the conversation proceeded as follows:


“Hello, this is Don Gretzky from DNREC.”


“I was wondering if we could use your basement to store retroactive(sic) waste.”


“Why not, is it too cluttered down there?”


“Well I was told I could store waste in your basement.”


“Ok, well then who should I call? Should I call Donald Maloney?”

“ummm, yeah. You call him.”

Yes, call Donald Maloney to store your retroactive waste. That was precisely the subtext in reading recent opinions expressed by worried representatives and residents of the commonwealth of Massachusetts. You see, they love diversity and liberalism and everything else that blossoms under the SPLC’s prodigious shadow. But, well Cape Cod is very nice this time of year; and you know how rowdy children can become during MS-13 initiations; and our facilities to store itinerant Central Americans are just so cluttered. Hey, why don’t you call some other guy? Try Donald Maloney…or Rick Perry! Because honestly, detaining illegal immigrants on Cape Cod is a bad idea. The readership seems to agree. Current poll results are as follows:

Do you agree Massachusetts should offer shelter to immigrant children?

Yes. It’s the Christian thing to do: 26%

No. It’s a Texas problem, not ours: 63%

I am undecided: 11%

The Christian thing to do? What are these people, a scrum of trailer humping rednecks? You can’t appeal to Christianity in a public accommodation like that. Have the ADL and ACLU been informed?

Though as Cape Codians can perceive with great acuity, this whole exodus from the rainforests is really a Texas problem, not a Massachusetts problem. Because Texas is closer to Nicaragua…that’s why. And though that is unassailable logic, I wonder why any state must suffer this unprecedented encroachment at all. Could the problem actually–infinitesimally–be a Massachusetts one? Below are the NumbersUSA grades for the suit-draped mannequins dispatched from Massachusetts to perch on Capitol Hill swivel chairs.

Three graded D

Seven D-

One F

Cape Cod’s Representative is William Keating, an invasion enthusiast whose only shame to constituents is that his D- grade wasn’t a more pristine F.

By comparison, here are the figures on the Texas contingent.

One graded A+

Two A

Two A-

Five B+

Five B

One B-

Six C+

One C

Two C-

One D+

One D

Nine D-

Two Fs

Not spectacular, though also not close. So Massachusetts representatives lobby for unrestricted colonization…of other states. States that largely resist this colonization under the ambient howls of raysis from residents of Massachusetts. Residents whose own towns are just a bit too cluttered to accommodate the influx unfortunately. I’ll give that an A+ in preciousness. Though it’s a common example of wanting to have your liberalism without getting eaten by it too. And while I know there are good people in Cape Cod prone to blush at such shamelessness, in aggregate I’m actually not inclined to seek storage space in Donald Maloney’s basement. The cost of moral preening has soared in recent years. And it’s past time for its consumers to start bearing it.


8 thoughts on “Call Donald Maloney

  1. That sounds about right…these are the same hypocrites that want “alternative” energy, but when a developer wanted to build a wind farm off shore, the hoi polloi of MA got their powerful and well connected political “representatives” to kill it. The new world order will be borne squarely on the backs of “middle class trash”, while the beautiful, caring, concerned, DWL will live the charmed life.

    • The new world order will be borne squarely on the backs of “middle class trash”, while the beautiful, caring, concerned, DWL will live the charmed life.

      For an extra five or ten years, but that’s it. There’s really nothing in it for the deranged White liberals in the long run.

  2. If the conservative movement was actually interested in saving a sliver of this country for their posterity, as opposed to fellating oligarchs, they would push for student loans to be dischargeable in bankruptcy. This would pop the education bubble close most liberal arts colleges within months. Tens of thousands of comfortable, secure professors and administrators would find themselves vomited into the lower middle classes. These newly down-class citizens would learn the true joys of diversity; not just the Indian doctor or the nice Korean couple in their former sub-division, but the mestizo family of 8 crammed into a 2 bedroom apartment next door, and the quaint section-8 land-monster with Gangster Disciple baby-daddy upstairs. You see, when Joe Bob or Jimbo have their factory outsourced or their livelihood destroyed by free-trade and mass immigration, well, that’s just creative destruction, which Tyler Cowan and the rest of the bunch at George Mason tells is is GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. Let’s see what they think when their are fighting with Consuela and Latisha for scraps.

    Liberals need to start reaping the f***** whirlwind.

      • AG-
        It is time to start a scorched earth campaign. If we cannot enjoy our traditions and our communities, neither can they. Put section 8 housing in nice, liberal whitopias. Destroy SWPL industries (higher ed), They need to understand that they will not be spared by America 2.0.

    • I like that anger…and the suggestion to end the student loan exception.

      In your scenario I’m inclined to believe Mr. Cowan actually would not receive more pleasure from the beans. Though I staunchly support our finding out for certain.

  3. I still can’t understand the short-sightedness of these people. Just because those fast-breeding Mayas are placed 500 miles away, they’re not their problem, and could never possibly be their children’s or grandchildren’s problem either?

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