We live in a world of incorrigible idiots. Jottobot ciphers and empty-eyed mascara scarecrows recite “news” beamed into the lonesome ganglions clanging about the walls of their skulls. They then process the datagrams to a subliterate gruel that the populace dutifully gums down its collective gullet. The whole meal remaining ready on the palate for eructation when triggered. It’s increasingly embarrassing. But we endeavor to persevere.
It’s now September 2012, and the intersection of technology and immigration is on the mind. And so I want to mention a glowing article on Microsoft’s thoughtful plan on jobs, immigration and H-1B visa permits. So very thoughtful. Those young boys and their computer things they make. I’ll tell you just how thoughtful they are.
Microsoft has a promising plan to break the logjam in Congress over immigration reform, at least in the high-skills arena. The software company proposes Congress expand by 20,000 the number of H-1B visa permits companies use to bring overseas hires to the U.S. The increase would be targeted to science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) jobs.
That greatly helps Microsoft which currently has 6,000 job openings – more than half of which require technolology and science skils (sic). But it also addresses a skills shortage faced by many companies beyond the technology industry. This Seattle Times editorial pointed to the widening gap between available jobs and the skill levels of job seekers as an urgent problem. This Brookings Institution study drilled into the education gap.
Microsoft is not simply trying to solve the immediate worker shortage.The software company proposes boosting the H-1B visa fee to $10,000 to raise money for a STEM-version of the Race to the Top federal grant program spurring education reform in schools. Race to the Future would pay for efforts such as hiring STEM teachers and adding computer science classes in high schools.
The plan was oulined onThursday at an event in Washington, D.C. at the Brookings Institution, Brad Smith, Executive Vice President and General Counsel at Microsoft, outlined the plan Thursday in Washington, D.C.
In addition to the 20,000 extra H-1B visa permits, Microsoft proposes freeing up 20,000 green cards specifically for STEM employees. That begins to tackle the huge backlog in green cards and keeps skilled workers here contributing to our industries and our economy.
Congress has been paralyzed on immigration reform. This is not a comprehensive solution but it outlines one of the many paths we’ll likely have to take to get there.
The skilled worker shortage is not going to improve on its own. The problem will grow worse and it will be felt in every sector, from retail to healthcare, because nearly all industries now depend on computer technology.
See Microsoft has so many jobs available–really you’d need one of those windowpane programs to calculate just how many. And like lettuce picking, Americans just won’t do certain jobs, like make those Atari game players: GayHaitians or Smallpox–hell, I don’t know. Anyway, the point is that Microsoft needs a lot of workers and no one in America will do it for $7.25/hour. So we have to get these Asiatics in to build this stuff no one understands, so that later we can all play TV games while snacking on heads of lettuce.
Obviously this is too complicated for most of you, but trust us: the way to get more Americans into science messing with beakers and protractors and whatnot is to hire more teachers to train kids for the depressed salaries that we’ll give to foreigners. Look I don’t mean to sound like I’m smarter than you, but Microsoft told us that this would really help both them as well as the economy! And The Economy is very important. So if you are a Microsoft employee especially, call your congressman and tell him you want 40,000 more visas and green cards competing with you…today!
The techno libs, they hashed it out and thought the plan was swell
We’ll get results, from multikults
The nation can go to hell.
For profits we must be making,
And whiteys won’t work for free,
It’s others jobs they’re taking
So what does it mean to me?
It’s such a thoughtful plan, I’m becoming a bit misty at how well it’s all going to work. Microsoft has so many jobs and the world has so many people. I wonder what they’ll be saying in a couple of years in 2014?
What’s startling for any who care to read the linked article is that nowhere does it mention Microsoft’s many job openings or its urgent need for more workers. Those concerns seem to have dissipated somewhat. Not that The Economy doesn’t desperately need 100s of thousands more foreign workers–that goes without saying. It’s just that Microsoft doesn’t quite need them at this particular moment–that’s all. But for all of those fired American workers, Microsoft’s CEO–that would be the all-American Satya Nadella–*has some words of encouragement:
Last week in my email to you I synthesized our strategic direction as a productivity and platform company. The first step to building the right organization for our ambitions is to realign our workforce. With this in mind, we will begin to reduce the size of our overall workforce by up to 18,000 jobs in the next year. My promise to you is that we will go through this process in the most thoughtful and transparent way possible. Our workforce reductions are mainly driven by two outcomes: work simplification as well as Nokia Devices and Services integration synergies and strategic alignment. First, we will simplify the way we work to drive greater accountability, become more agile and move faster. As part of modernizing our engineering processes the expectations we have from each of our disciplines will change to accelerate the flow of information and decision making. This includes flattening organizations and increasing the span of control of people managers. The overall result of these changes will be more productive, impactful teams. We will focus on breakthrough innovation that expresses and enlivens Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences. Making these decisions to change are difficult, but necessary. Thank you for your support as we start to take steps forward in evolving our organization and culture.
So while Microsoft is busy synthesizing 18,000 members of its impactful teams with elivening digital life experiences, our boy Billy is…still begging for more visas. I don’t know if that degree of chutzpah was imbued through his own genetic endowment or whether his new pal Sheldon had to offer a transfusion. But I do wonder what those soon-to-be-former Microsoft employees are thinking.
Hey Billy son where are you now?
don’t you know we need you and how?
with a rat-tat-tat and an old kow-tow,
where are Billy Boy’s jobs right now?
*Compacted slightly for enhanced H-1B efficiency.