Comprehensive Marital Reform

Readers here know that The Kakistocracy is not merely a form of government, but also a state of mind. A philosophy for navigating life’s myriad thoroughfares. And while the very notion of productive labor grieves us sore, sometimes we must feign its performance in order to induce foolish compensation of phantom efforts. This pantomime of working pretense has consumed many hours of otherwise cherished leisure as late…though another tragedy blossoms beside.

You see, I am not an attractive man. Yet still, one burdened by a libido so consuming as to spill over the borders of my own person, often onto those within vulnerable proximity. I have a huge, exploding population of lust–all of which is domiciled within the most homely and unaccomodating nuptial constraints. My prodigious totem yearns to escape its hoary marital bonds and migrate into the supple flesh of more attractive female recipients.

You can imagine the problems this may cause. It is quite unreasonable to expect loyalty or restraint from a mere party to marriage. And as one who barely possesses the looks or charm to woo even his own wife into bed chambers, my lust must be satisfied through the labor of grim professionals–often at triple rack rates owing to the undesirability of their client. This I consider, like gas and electric, a cost of living. And so a lengthy procession of prostitutes, call girls, escorts, and dominatrices are invited into our home to stimulate my perpetually erect Economy. All, of course, against the wishes of my wife and contrary to our agreed upon standards of monogamy that I have pledged to uphold.

As one can clearly discern from enthusiastic copulations with a great migrating wave of women–the institution of marriage is broken. Comprehensive reform is needed.

I have attempted to address this issue with bigoted spouse in good-faith, offering her a package of reasonable accommodations. Wherein we would increase the number of women with which I am permitted sexual congress, in exchange for my commitment to divert resources away from her and our children toward other illicit unions and the offspring that may issue therefrom. In capsule: I get more sex; she gets more “fuck off.” Strangely, the hate-filled harpy has refused this tolerant gesture, thus forcing me to executive action.

And so this summer I will be forced to act where wife and pastor will not. I have instructed my local madam and the CEO of to identify what actions may be taken unilaterally. I expect a report by the end of the summer and plan to adopt those recommendations without further delay. Our marital system is so broken, so unclear, that the many women I’m having sex with don’t even know what the rules are. This must end.

And soon enough…it will.


10 thoughts on “Comprehensive Marital Reform

  1. A good allegory of what’s going on, except that the “Economy” excuse is barely used anymore. It’s naked race replacement.

  2. I wish I could understand this but my skills of comprehension (or lack) are failing me now. I think I understand the first part. That the marriage in America is not good for men. It is the last 2 paragraphs I can not grasp.
    Are you in favor of polyamory?

    I think Christian marriage in Orthodoxy is a good thing. It is very very difficult to obtain divorce which is good because I do not believe in divorce. I hate it.
    And I think it is important for a man to find his wife beautiful. So if a man can find a woman who he thinks is pretty it is important.

    I think of course a man must expect loyalty from his wife, as I expect loyalty from my husband. (Or I HOPE for it at least and trust him) I do not think there is reason to not be loyal when both parties are fulfiling their marriage vows and not denying one another.

    About the modern marriage, especially in USA, Well, yes modern marriage outside of Orthodox faith is broken because it has been abused very much. Divorce is easy given, concepts like marital rape exist, and now even man and man, or woman and woman can marry.
    I have always felt curious why non Christian couples even marry. Marriage is a covenant.

    And please do not speak about yourself that you are not an attractive man! God made you! πŸ™‚ .
    Also women do not care about men’s looks as much as men about women’s. Our feelings of attraction to a man are more subjective, where his character greatly influences our attraction to him. I am very sure of this because I have never felt there was a physical “type” of man I wanted to marry. Then when I met my fiance who is 20 years my senior, I fell in love with something in him. First, it was a look in his eyes, I saw such beauty of soul and depth in his eyes and I started to fall in love. He demonstrated immense strength of character, and I knew he is the man I must spend my life with, and make happy. I have every reason to have faith in success of marriage with him. Looks are the least important to me in finding a husband, because when I fell in love with him, he became the most handsome man in the world to me.

    I think in current state of marriage, men must be very discerning. I do not like to say it as I think it is sad, but I think it best to have a prenuptial agreement. I do feel very sorry for how difficult it must be to marry under American laws.

    • After that long comment, I am realizing I might have still not understand meaning of your post. Sorry. :/ .

      • Oh. Now I feel stupid. lol.

        I thought it was about marriage. I do not understand metaphors well.

      • Don’t feel stupid; the writing here is complex. That’s part of what makes this page so great. Carry on, comment away. Reading the comments is also part of what makes this page great. I enjoyed your comment, btw. My spouse is older than I am as well. He is superior to me in every way (smarter, better judgement) and I like it that way. I understand where you’re coming from; the younger woman/older man combination just works, simple as that. πŸ™‚

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