Jadeveon Clowney

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I suppose by this point practically every sentient being down to cephalopods and Lyndsey Graham understands the transparent ruse of multiculturalism. Its reality incorporates none of the candyland daydreams of harmonious races smiling warmly into each other’s eyes and high-fiving over football games. Instead it’s a macabrely amusing kaleidoscope of antipathies, both ancient and novel. It is an enviably productive hate-manufacturing facility operated by those who claim the term as their bête noir. Taken from the pompous affectations of the academy and placed on the sidewalk of the barrio, its voice takes on a refreshingly all-caps candor. From some forum for inebriated landscapers…the future of multiculturalism in America:

DIZ TO ALL DEM HATIN HONKY TONK CRACKERS, NIGGERS, GODZILLA GOOKS, TURBAN MUHAMID OSAMA UR MAMA JOTOS N ANY OTHER RACE HATIN ON THA BROWN PEOPLE. ALL U HATIN CHAVALAS CAN LICK A DIRTY CULO. N IF U LATINO N HATIN ON A MEXICAN THEN GO PLAY WIT FIDEL CASTROS BOOTY HOLE!!!! CAUSE BELIEVE IT OR NOT LATINOS TAKIN DIS COUNTRY N WE GONNA DEPORT ALL U HATIN NIGGAS TO AFRICA, ALL U WHITES TO BRITAIN, ALL U GOOKS TO THE GREAT WALL N ALL U SAND NIGGAS BACK TO UR CAMELS IN THE DESERT. SO U CAN TALK ALL UR MASA ON HERE BUT IF U EVER SAID IT TO A LATINO U WOULD PEE IN PANTS N CACA IN UR CHONES CAUSE WE CRAZY LIKE DAT. SO IDK WHO U ARE DAT LOVES SPENDING UR WHOLE DAY ON HERE JUST REPOSTING N MAYBE PLAYIN WIT UR LIL STICK BUT AH CULO FACE DONT BE JEALOUS. BROWN PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U A HATER LICK MONKEY NUTS!!!!!

Obviously I don’t expect a readership of this stature to be fluent in such a charming, albeit demotic, patois and so a translation follows below.

A missive to malicious Europeans, Africans, Asians, Arabs, homosexuals, and all other demographics dissimilar from my own Amerindian genetic stock: as you are all foul-natured effeminate males, I invite you to commence oral ministrations upon an unclean anus. Any dissenting peers should engage in geriatric homosexual recreation with Cuba’s former dictator.

Further, you may accept or reject this hypothesis: my racial cohorts–following natural revanchist impulse–will obtain hegemony over the apparatus of state previously under your dominion. At which point deportation proceedings will be initiated against formerly legal residents categorized by kind and destination as follows: Negroes will be transferred to Africa; Caucasians will be moved to the United Kingdom (specifically); Asiatics will be permanently mounted along the length of the Great Wall of China; and finally Arabs will be saddled onto camels within a logistically feasible desert.

So you may continue to speak at liberty for the present time. However, if such discourse were to gain the notice of one of my colleagues, you would involuntarily void your bowels and defecate within your trousers as a result of our fractious and chaotic deportment.

And while unadvised of your identity, I do note the fact that you spend the balance of each day composing entries for this forum while intermittently masturbating. And though your countenance bears a striking resemblance to human hind quarters, you should stanch any resulting envy as I exalt in racial solidarity. Should you find this expression disagreeable, please caress a simian’s testicles with your tongue. Good day, sirs.

Truly, where else in the world can a mestizo grow to despise a muslim?

America, America, God shed his grace on thee!

3 thoughts on “Jadeveon Clowney

  1. Talking of Lindsey Graham, how would he fit into this multicultural utopia? Despite the almost infinite variety of delights that diversity promises America, I can think of one thing non-whites are unanimous about. He’d be well advised to try getting hitched while he can. If he can speak of the benefits of immigration reform with a straight face, he should be able to walk around with a woman on his arm without feeling nauseous.

  2. That speech actually sounds a lot more menacing in your translation. All it needed was a “I find your lack of faith disturbing” for that true Dark Side touch. Perhaps you should change your name to and move West. A glamerous career as a screenwriter awaits.

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