You’re Welcome


Gratitude. It’s an expression of simple human decency. When one has helped another through no compulsion beyond goodwill, gratitude is the minimum response. And no people express the sentiment as often or as effusively as the Jews.

Rewind some years…Knock, knock, knock

Mr. Jew: Hello Mr. Gentile, and what a right chap you are. May I please come in? I’ve travelled so far.

Mr. Gentile: You’re a fine fellow Mr. Jew, really on par. But I have some concerns and I’ll say what they are.

I want tranquility, I’m not looking for a fight; and you seem to cause problems wherever you alight.

Mr. Jew: Oh please. I’ll be not a bother and I’ve no place to go. I’m hungry and meek and upon my beard there is snow.

My reputation is a lie; it’s the persecution you see. I swear on my yarmulke it was them and not me.

Let’s set aside our millennial strife; I’ll love you as a brother, or hell as a wife!

Mr. Gentile: I’m unsure Mr. Jew; I want no trouble you see. I founded this country for my own posterity.

Mr. Jew: You have my word, our relationship will be a cinch; what harm could ever arise from a mensch?

Mr. Gentile: I suppose you can stay if you swear not to hate. Though I want no subversion and you must assimilate.

Mr. Jew: Yes, yes wonderful, you won’t regret it a year. I’ll just go about my business; you’ll not even notice I’m here.

I shall take up occupations I know you’ll approve. I’ll make movies and write columns; your nerves I will soothe.

Forward to present…

Mr. Jew: Gentile, you’re a bigot, a racist, and oh a Nazi too. You’re dumb and not kosher. Yes, that best describes you.

Mr. Gentile: But I thought we were as brothers; your attitude is vexing and newish.

Mr. Jew: Brothers, Ha! As Mike Wallace said, I’m not white but Jewish.

Mr. Gentile: I grant you leave to my country and this is how you repay?

Mr. Jew: This is not “your” country, you dolt. And you don’t have a say.

This country is for Asians and Africans and Mexicans and Jews. Wipe that look off your face, you act as if this were news.

Mr. Gentile: But this was founded as our nation for our people; your myth I must dispel.

Mr. Jew: I have a nation, it’s called Is-rye-ell. You will have nothing, save a spot in Hell.

Mr. Gentile You have played me as a fool. Allowing you in was not right.

Mr. Jew: I gasp at your words! What are you, an anti-semite?!


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